Leave the past behind
by JojjoB
Summary: A Sydrian story. Adrian's POV. When Sydney Sage goes missing, Adrian Ivashkov is the only one who never stops looking for her.
1. The boy who hoped

3rd person POV:

It was such a shame. Such a shame that the pretty alchemist girl got kidnapped. Such a shame that she and the handsome moroi didn't get their happy ending. Such a shame that he continued looking for her when it was no use. She wasn't herself anymore. She wasn't the girl he remembered. Of course he didn't know that. All he knew was that she was gone and that he would find her. Because that's what people do for their soul mates, right? At least he thought so. When everybody else simply gave up and said that it was useless, he continued his search. His closest friends helped when they got time, but after five whole months without a clue as to where she was or who had taken her, it seemed hopeless. She was probably dead by now but the emerald-eyed spirit user refused to accept that. He kept looking for the love of his life. He would never give up.

Adrian's POV:

Five months. Five months my Sage had been gone. Five months without her bright aura. Five months without hearing her voice. Five months without a single trace. The sadness kept overwhelming me and every day was a battle to keep myself away from the bottle and the soothing feeling that I knew was in it. I was almost on my breaking point. She had been gone too long, I needed her here to keep me steady. After the big kiss and her leaving I had been avoiding her to help her make her decision. Before she disappeared I had known that it was only a matter of time before she would realize what she felt towards me and I had stupidly thought that I would have my happy ending. If I had known from the start that she would vanish from my life I would have held her close and never let go. But it was too late now. Stupid Adrian, I scolded myself. Stupid, stupid, stupid. She was gone and with her she took my heart. Lissa had passed the law and Jill was safe again. It passed only a month after Sage's disappearance. We were all back at court; Eddie and Angeline were hard working guardians and Jailbat was busy with different royal assignments. Left there was me. The party-boy. The careless Ivashkov. The heartbroken Adrian. I spent most of my days trying to get clues as to where she had gone and trying to contact her in a spirit dreams, I was almost the only one that hadn't given up. The dreams hadn't worked so far though but I wasn't going to stop trying. When she vanished without a trace that afternoon five months ago, the alchemists had turned every stone. When they gave up, I started my own search. I couldn't just let her vanish, I had to save her. She was my world and somehow, I felt that it was my fault that it happened. If I had just _been _there. I shouldn't have left her alone and given her space after the kiss. And now I had lost her. But not forever. I was certain that I was going to find her. There was no other option. I would find my light, my Sage. I had some help of course. Whenever Jailbat, Castile, Angeline or Rose had some time, they would help me search for clues. They were very helpful and nice, and when they thought I didn't notice, they looked concerned. They clearly underestimated my brilliant observing skills. I could understand their concern. Spirit was set to drive me insane sooner or later, and obviously, my so called 'friends' thought that I was already there. It hurt my pride a bit but since I was pretty used to it, I usually didn't give a fuck. But I can't say that it didn't hurt. I didn't like being ruled out as crazy whenever I did something out of the ordinary. They never took me seriously. It wasn't fun at all. Anyway, all I did all day long was to look for her, paint and try to stay away from the booze and the cigarettes. It was a lot harder to keep myself from my vices when Sage wasn't around to help me get a steady grip of the world. I had to literally tell people to hide their liquor or nicotine whenever I was going somewhere, just to keep myself from going mad and throwing myself on it. I knew that Jill was concerned about my behavior, and since she felt how the darkness sometimes almost consumed me, she kept close tabs on me. I was lucky to at least have her to bring me a little further down to earth than I mostly was. She helped, even though she didn't help as much as Sage. Oh my Sage. I was lying on my back on my couch in my room. I was staring at the ceiling and felt the edges of my world become darker and darker. I just kept my cool, tried to breathe, and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly everything seemed grayer than usual and I was overcome with the urge to find some alcohol. Just a teeny drop in the bottom of a empty bottle would do. Anything. I shot up from the couch and started looking before I realized what I was doing and stopped myself. I was not supposed to drink. I was supposed to stay strong, for Sage. I had to. Suddenly the grayness was gone. I still had dark edges though. Wherever I looked I could see the shadows in the corners, threatening to blind me and take control of my thoughts. I stared right at one with my most intense gaze. I scrutinized it and could barely believe what I saw. In the darkness I could see a tiny Sage being killed by a tiny strigoi. They were as big as the palm of my hand but it still felt like it was her. Fear washed over me and the tears threatened to run down my cheeks.

"GO AWAY! YOU ARE NOT REAL!", I yelled to the shadow. This had happened many times before. The shadows appeared, I yelled at them to go away and they ignored me. I thought I could hear the shadow laugh softly before it morphed into something else. Now I saw that the tiny Sage looked pale. So pale. She looked straight at me and bared her fangs in an evil grin. The tiny Sage was strigoi.

"STOP IT. NO! GO! LEAVE ME ALONE!", I shouted once again before I sat down in a crouch and covered my eyes with my hands. I rocked slightly back and forth and I lost track of time. I heard the shadow laughing in front of me but it didn't seem to come any closer. When I felt a hand on my shoulder I jumped straight up to standing and pressed my back against the nearest wall. I put up my hands as a shield and looked over to what the darkness had sent my way this time. In front of me stood a wide-eyed Jailbat with a guardian right behind her. I dropped my hands to my sides. She looked so scared. Maybe scared of me, maybe scared of what she saw in my mind. The fear from the tiny Sages were still etched in my brain and I couldn't shake the image of Sage as a strigoi. What if that was what had happened? What if she was running around somewhere, killing people? My mind raced off in horrible thoughts until I felt Jill shake my shoulders and saying my name. I had obviously been drifting off for quite a while judging by the panic in poor Jailbat's face.

"Snap out of it Adrian, come back to me.", Jill calmly said when she saw that I was returning to the real world. "It's not real, calm down.", She looked at me with that concern that only she could muster to a hopeless case like myself. I let my hands down and relaxed.

"I'm okay. I'm okay. I just.. Need a cigarette or something.", This had been the worst attack so far. I had been overwhelmed with insanity and darkness before, but never like this. Things were getting worse.

"No no no, you don't, please. You have been so good. Just.. Paint. That's what you should do.", Jill looked content with her solution. She was still so innocent. Just painting wouldn't do this time. I could feel it. I had to break my promise to myself. I needed a cigarette. But I would restrain myself until she left. I couldn't let her down.

"Yeah, paint. I can do that.", I tried to assure her. She smiled. Sweet Jill.

"Good. I was just going to check up on you. You're getting worse, aren't you?", She asked. Her voice was filled with concern and fear.

"You don't need to worry Jailbat, I'm a big boy. I can take care of myself.", I tried to put in some of my usual wittiness in the comment but it just sounded sad and hollow.

"You might be a big boy but you can't take care of yourself. You're not in this alone you know.", She pointed out and lead me to the couch where we sat down. "I miss her too.", It was barely above a whisper. And I saw her eyes getting teary. She quickly blinked the tears away and looked at me.

"I know you do.", I whispered back. "But you also know why I can't give up."

"I know. But I think it would be better for you if you just came to peace with the fact that we might never find her.", Jill looked so sad. She stroked my arm, and it was annoying. I was not a little child. She should just stop feeling sorry for me. I could take care of myself.

"I will find her. There's no other option.", I held my ground. Besides, I had always had a magical way of getting whatever I wanted. This was not going to be an exception, I would make sure of that.

"If you say so. Just try and paint or something, okay? I hate seeing, and feeling, you like this.", She started going to the door. "I have to go, behave.", She said before she waved and pulled out that smile of hers. I waved back but didn't smile. I didn't feel like it. I needed a drink.

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_A/N: So, yeah. Here's my new story. I've noticed that I tend to prefer writing really dark and sad stories so if you like that, you're definitely in for a treat here! But don't worry, It's going to be happy times too, just not as many. I hope you'll like it!_


	2. Dark world, dark mind

I kept looking. Another week with nothing passed, not even a nervous breakdown interrupted my boredom. Instead I was searching, painting and fighting my urge to drink or smoke. I hadn't taken that drink after Jill visited me. Partly because I couldn't find a single drop of alcohol, and partly because of Sage. And Jill of course. Nothing I did helped though. The shadows still seemed to grow sometimes, but they never got as far as they had before. I barely got honored with a visit from my so called 'friends' either. They were busy all the time except for one exception when Eddie came by to tell me Jill and Lissa missed me on some snob dinner. I barely listened to him. Why would I? They had all stopped listening to me. It was childish, I know, but I was after all a child at heart. Nobody could deny that. If you're wondering where my father was in all this I can tell you that he didn't even care. I hadn't even seen him since that time with Sage. I had just given up on that jerk. As long as I got money I was happy. I couldn't care less about him. I kept on searching for my Sage. All I needed was a spark, anything that could tell me just a bit about what even happened to her. One day in Palm Springs she ran an errand while we were at Clarence's and just didn't come back. We found her car, simply abandoned outside of a mall, but no trace after her. I took care of the car and during the first week after her disappearance, our whole gang and the alchemist were out searching every corner of Palm Springs. Lissa offered some guardians to help, but since the alchemists were the ones in charge of this search party, they turned her down. After that first week they kind of gave up. They started muttering things like 'she's probably dead' or 'maybe it was free will'. They kind of just shrugged and moved on. It made me so angry. They just assumed that she was dead or on the run simply because they couldn't find her. They gave up. Lucky for Sage, she had me. Adrian Ivashkov. The party-boy, who had been shown by the strict alchemist that he had a drive and a fire inside of him. She had taught me to not be a quitter. And I wasn't going to quit. Not until I found her. I had some hints about what might've happened but nothing was for certain. It didn't have to be strigoi or the warriors that was the bad guys here, it might as well be an ordinary human or whatever. Either way, I was going to find those sons of bitches and beat the living hell out of them. Nobody robs me of my Sage. Nobody.

The next time I got pushed further to the edge of the pit of insanity was only a day after my complaining about being bored. I was just minding my own business with my easels and my brushes when I suddenly everything went black. When I got my vision back I could've sworn that I saw a very pale and almost see-through Sage staring at me sadly. I naturally panicked, she looked like a ghost. What if my Sage was dead? I stared at her for what felt like ages, before I opened my mouth and asked a simple question: "Is it really you Sage?", She just stared at me for a second then nodded, slowly. I thought I was going insane for sure in that moment. I was just going to ask if she was dead when Rose burst through the door and Sage disappeared as fast as she appeared. I decided to keep this incident to myself for a while since people already thought I was on the highway to insanity and I didn't want to give fuel to those rumors. Rose looked at me while I blinked hard for several moments in a desperate attempt to figure out if I really had seen a ghostlike Sage.

"Hello Rose, what brings me the pleasure of seeing you here today?", I finally asked while I narrowed my eyes at her and then returned to my painting.

"Lissa forced me to check up on you. How long has it been since you even left this room?", She asked while putting her hands on her hips.

"I don't know.., A week? Maybe two? Does it matter?", I sadly said while I kept on painting. As every so often nowadays, I was painting Sage.

"It does matter. You can't just hole up here because she is gone. I didn't even know you were that good friends. I thought she kept to herself.", Rose wrinkled her forehead. Couldn't she just leave?

"We _are _that good friends, we _hang _out a lot", I stressed the words. She wasn't gone, she was still out there somewhere. I just knew it, even though that ghostly Sage had me doubting. What if she was dead? The thought made me cold inside.

"Okay okay, I get it. She's not gone. Sorry.", She crossed her arms across her chest instead and a new and sad look was in her eyes. "You have to get out from this room though, you can't expect to find her faster if you isolate yourself from the world.", She looked straight at me. I turned my head away and instead inspected the painting I was making. It was supposed to be a bright picture of the Sage I remembered, but instead it had turned into the see-through Sage I had just seen. Suddenly an overwhelming sadness seemed to swallow me alive and I turned back to Rose.

"Maybe you're right. Maybe I need to get out.", I couldn't shake the vision of my Sage being dead. It felt like she was in the room, watching me.

"Wait, what? I didn't think it would be that easy to convince you.", She looked shocked and he dropped her hands to her sides. Meanwhile, I went to the bathroom to clean of some paint on my hands and quickly look at myself in the mirror before heading out the door with Rose at my tail. I went to the closest cafe I could find and sat down. Rose sat down next to me and I raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you have a job or something? A guardian's duty or whatever?", I wanted to be alone again. Alone with my thoughts.

"I have some time off.", She simply stated while looking at me weirdly.

"Okay. And you're sure that you want to spend it with a mental moroi?", I spoke. It still felt a bit weird that I could look at her without longing for her touch or for her love. The only girl that occupied my mind nowadays was my Sage. My Sage who I missed so dearly.

"I couldn't find better company so unfortunately you'll have to do.", Rose teased. A smile spread across her face but I couldn't bring myself to smile back. My mind had plunged itself into thoughts about Sage. Her laugh, her smile, even the stern expression she got when other alchemists were around. I missed everything. Every piece of her existence.

"Too bad for you. I'm not much of company these days.", I replied sadly.

"I know.", She said, voice barely over a whisper. "She is more than a friend, isn't she?", Rose asked while looking at me knowingly.

"Yeah, I guess she is.", I said while looking at people passing us. "She is everything."

"What do you mean 'everything'?", Rose pressed, I had sparked her interest, I could see it in her aura.

"I mean; She's the one that keeps me sane. She's the gravity that pulls me down when I feel like I'm going to float away in space. She is my sun, my love, my Sage.", The words shocked me. I never thought that I would sit in a cafe, revealing my inner secrets to my ex-girlfriend. I never thought that anyone but Sage would hear those things about me. Apparently I trusted Rose more than I knew.

"Wow.", She looked like she was still processing the information. "That was.., beautiful Adrian. It sounds like she's your soul mate or something."

"Well, I think she is.", I said matter of factly.

"But, you do know that she's human right? And an alchemist?", Rose carefully said.

"Yeah, I know. And believe me, she knows it too. I just hope we can get past that.", I said. I wanted to see what her opinion was. After all, Rose was one of the most open-minded people I knew.

"Okay, as long as you are fully aware of the risks you're taking here, and that you're aware of the fact that you might stir up a lot of opinions, then I don't see the problem. Well, except for the fact that she has been missing for almost six months now.", Rose looked me straight in the eyes.

"Five months, one week and five days to be exact. I'm aware of everything that will go to hell if she comes to her senses and admits that she likes me, but I couldn't care less. She's my soul mate, soul mates are supposed to be together.", I meant every word I said. So what if some old dusty moroi and dhampirs got shocked because of a human and moroi relationship, It wasn't them who would get affected by it. It would only affect me and Sage. Nobody else. The alchemist on the other hand might be a bit scarier if they thought Sage was doing the wrong thing. I just hoped that they would leave us alone if we got together. I lived on my hope and my dream of finding Sage. "You should know a thing or two about soul mates.", I said while looking at Rose.

"You're really counting the days? You must mean business.", Rose tried to joke again but since my mind was in a grimmer place I couldn't even care to smile. "And I do understand where you're coming from here. There's no way to separate soul mates", She simply said and looked down at her hands that was on the table. I drifted away again. The world was gray and I was constantly looking for Sage's yellow aura to turn my world colorful again.

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_A/N: Yeah, Hi. I'm sorry if there's any mistakes or anything that is written weird in this chapter, my friend who usually reads through my stories and corrects my mistakes is extremely busy and I really wanted to post this today so she didn't check it and help me. Sorry about that but I just really want to update as much as possible before I get all busy during Christmas and what not. Anyway, hope you liked it! _


	3. Unexpected turn of events

Suddenly I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had just been looking for clues on the internet, when I came across something interesting. In the background of a photograph in a news article, I _saw_ her. Or at least I thought it was her. Faintly at the background you could see a blonde pretty girl with a golden tattoo on her cheek. She was dressed in typical Sage attire; A white short-sleeved blouse and a gray knee-length skirt. It must have been her, I was sure of it. Who else could it have been? The girl stood next to a tall figure dressed in all black. From what I could see, it seemed like a woman. Maybe it was her captor? I was filled with excitement and I looked up where the photo was taken. San Francisco. I almost ran straight to the car and drove there but I stopped myself. I needed company on my trip. I also needed to get a solid location. She could be anywhere in San Francisco, it was a kind of big city after all. Some more research needed to be done. Who would have thought that me, Adrian the spontaneous party-boy, would think long-term? I picked up my phone and started thinking. Who would be the ideal travel partner? Who would be the biggest help in finding her? Suddenly something struck me, I was going to _find _her. At last. I wasn't going to be forced to fantasize about her, I was actually going to _see _her. For the first in over five months I was actually going to, hopefully, hear her voice and see her face again. The feeling of joy overwhelmed me. I was going to get my sun back. I was so gonna kick whoever took her into the next century. Suddenly I stopped mid-thought. What if Sage went away because she _wanted _to? What if she didn't want to be found? No, she would never leave me without a trace. Never. I just knew in my heart that she would have at least said goodbye if she was leaving. Now on to the other problem; the photo was two months old. What if she wasn't in San Francisco anymore? What would I do then? My whole mind seemed to flood with sadness. The little piece of hope I had, quickly shattered. I had so many things against me in all this. The anxiety I seemed to feel all the time these days returned with full force. All the shadows in the room grew and I felt like I was being crushed under thick black clouds. Just when I thought that I was going to die for sure, I saw her again. In the corner of my eye I noticed her. I turned around in the armchair I was current sitting in. By the bed in my room at court she stood. The ghostly Sage. She almost looked paler and more weak than before, but this time I didn't get scared. I had already decided that if I ever saw her again, I would ask her as many questions as possible.

"Is it really you or am I hallucinating?", I asked. The Sage by the bed stared at me for a second before she first nodded, then shook her head. I interpreted it as 'Yes, it's really me.' and 'No, you're not hallucinating.'. I was strangely calm. I should be freaking out since this Sage basically said that this ghost-like figure was my Sage. But I was calm.

"You can't speak?", I asked again. She shook her head and looked sad. I might not get all the answers I needed after all.

"Okay, um, is it you in this photo?", I turned the laptop to face her and she nodded with enthusiasm.

"Are you in San Francisco?", She lifted one of her hands and made a gesture that I interpreted as 'Kind of.'. What did that mean?

"So, you're there, but you're not really there?", I asked patiently. She nodded and seemed even sadder. "Well okay. Did you run away of free will?", She shook her head. "I knew it! You would never leave me without a goodbye!", I exclaimed triumphantly. A small smile grew on the pale Sage's lips and she rolled her eyes. That was the Sage I knew and loved. Time to get serious.

"Do you think I can save you?", I looked straight at her almost see-through eyes. She started shaking her head but then she hesitated and nodded instead. She soon seemed to regret that to because she resorted to a shrug. "Do you mean that you don't know if I can save you?", Sage nodded. Well there went my optimism. "I just want to know what they have done to you. It's a shame you can't talk.", I said and I could hear the sad note in my words. Sage just looked at me and her previous sadness had leaked back into her face. I sat silent for a while then. Just staring at her ghostly face and trying to remember the Sage I knew. The happy one. The one who made my world a brighter place. When I was done reminiscing I decided to ask one last question.

"Do you think of me in San Francisco?", I needed to know. The Sage before me hesitated for a second before shaking her head. I stared at her. "You don't?", My voice suddenly got hoarse and barely above a whisper. The world seemed wrong. Sage shook her head once again, but this time I could swear I saw a couple of tears glistening in her eyes. Oh Sage. "Do you miss me as you are now? Whatever you are.", I asked. I mean, why not ask her that and risk a second heartbreak? I apparently enjoyed getting hurt over and over again. This time she nodded. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but when no sound came out, she closed it and turned her face toward my canvas that still stood on my easel. The canvas where I had painted her, the ghostly Sage. The one who looked sad and pale. The one who didn't look like my Sage. She seemed even sadder when she saw that painting. It looked like something broke inside her. Real or not, I never wanted to break Sage. "You are still beautiful to me.", I simply said. The Sage in my room turned her head towards me and I saw a small smile play in the corners of her mouth. She mouthed something that looked like a 'thank you' before vanishing. I was left with an odd feeling of joy. Why was I happy? Maybe it was because Sage finally accepted a compliment and even was thankful for it? Or maybe it was because I knew that she didn't want to leave me? Or maybe it was because I knew where to find her at last? Whatever it was, I didn't even care one bit. This was the first time I had truly felt joy since the day she disappeared. When she went missing she took with her every piece of happiness in my life. I hadn't even smiled properly since. I was depending on her to bring joy to my world. Scratch that, She was my world.

I wasted no time after my visit. I started looking for the fastest routes to San Francisco and I started contemplating if I was to bring somebody with me. It would be good to bring Castile and his muscles if I was going to tackle a kidnapper, but at the same time, he was busy. Everybody was busy. The more I thought about it the more it seemed like I would have to go on my own. I could always get my spirit mojo going and trick those suckers. I would figure it out, I mean come on, I was Adrian freaking Ivashkov. I always figured things out, and if I didn't I could always rely on my charm. On the other hand, it would be great to have someone with a little more fighting experience with me. I decided to take a stroll around court and try to find Eddie or Rose or anyone. I needed to tell people about my discovery and I also needed a guardian to follow me on my journey. Suddenly my earlier calm went out the window. I needed to leave right this second preferably, I could barely wait any longer. I would see my lovely Sage again. I would actually see her. My world reeled and I had to lean against a wall outside my room for support for a second. I could barely believe it. I had found her. People had said it was impossible. People had told me to give up. I hadn't. I had fought and searched and kept on going, and finally I found her. When the world seemed to be plain and still under my feet, I continued walking. I wanted to grab every person that I walked past and scream in their face. I wanted to scream 'HA! I told you I would find her! Never underestimate the power of ADRIAN!', but I restrained myself. I could save my triumph for my friends. If I could find them. They were probably out on different missions, scattered around court. If I could just find one of them. I scanned the view in front of me when a familiar brunette caught my attention. I only saw the back of her but I knew that it was Jill. Even better, Castile was standing just next to her. I immediately ran up to them and they gasped in surprise. They obviously hadn't expected to see me outside my room for a while. In an instant all my confidence and excitement disappeared. I couldn't find the words.

"I did it.", I simply stated. Judging by the confused look on both their faces, I needed to elaborate. "I found her."

"Wait, what? You're kidding.", Jill looked at me like I was lying.

"No, I did it. I know where she is.", I stated. I felt like a deflated balloon. All my energy had disappeared from my body and my mind. I couldn't believe that I actually did it. Looking over at Castile and Jailbat, I could see that their eyes were big in shock and excitement.

"Where is she?", Jill asked quietly. It was as if she couldn't believe it either.

"San Francisco.", I replied. "Speaking of that, I need a road trip pal. I'm going to get her.", I looked at them expectantly. Jailbat looked overwhelmed. She looked like she didn't know how to feel. Castile on the other hand wore a neutral facial expression. Such a guardian, but his aura indicated that he was feeling a range of emotions. I saw a part happiness, a part worry and a hint of excitement.

"You should let the alchemist handle this Adrian, it could be dangerous.", Jill spoke. Her face had at last settled on worry but I could see in her aura that she was excited too. I mean, who wouldn't be?

"I don't trust them anymore. They gave up on her, that's why I need to go get her myself.", I was determined, no alchemists would ever come in contact with my Sage again. They kept ruining her life.

"But Adrian-"

"But what? I understand that it's dangerous. I understand that this isn't my job. I understand everything, okay? I have to do this. I can't just sit holed up here when I know that she's out there, somewhere in San Francisco. I just can't.", I confessed. "I understand the dangers, that's why I need a roadtrip buddy, preferably a guardian, if I'm in need of someone to kick a son of a bitch's ass.", I looked at Eddie with a meaningful stare.

"Whoa, wait a second here, You want me to go on a roadtrip with you?", Eddie asked. I simply nodded as an answer. "What makes yo think that I can just drop everything and drive across the country with you?", He raised an eyebrow challenging.

"It's simple. You're Sage's friend too.", I simply stated. Not even he could deny that. "Plus, we're at court, how many guardians do they need?"

"I think you should do it Eddie. For Sydney.", Jailbat said. I guess that was all it took to convince Castile because he seemed to think for a second before sighing.

"I guess I can check with my superiors.", He spoke. Jill let out a squeal of happiness and hugged him tight. They both froze for a second and I almost let out a snort of laughter. They were in a state of denial, both of them. I could see it. But I wouldn't comment on it though, at least not now. Their hug ended almost as soon as it began and they pulled apart. We all parted ways. I needed to pack my things, Jill had some meeting and Eddie needed to find his boss. I was thrilled. Soon I would be with her.

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_A/N: Merry Christmas everybody! (Or if you don't celebrate christmas; Happy tuesday!). I can't say that I'm content with this chapter, something about it felt off for me but I hope you can read it and still like it!_


	4. The past takes a visit

The next day me and Eddie were on the road. I didn't know what Castile had told his boss but somehow he was allowed to leave without telling the big shots what we were going to do. Fine by me. Jill had been sad that she couldn't come with us but she was a good sport and promised not to tell Rose or anyone else about our recent discovery. We couldn't risk them coming after us and putting the alchemists on the job instead. We had the usual cover story, I felt like partying and Eddie was tagging along to keep me safe. I mean come on, who wouldn't believe that? It was a long drive to San Francisco, we would have to stop for the night on some motel or something, not that I was complaining. I was at last on my way to finding her. Hopefully. Something felt wrong though. If she was alive, and judging by my visits from the ghost-Sage she kind of was, she would have contacted me by now. The photo I had seen painted a picture of a casual and calm Sage, it didn't seem like she was under a capture's influence. What if the ghost-Sage was just an hallucination and she was actually on the run by free will? What if she chose to leave me and everyone else behind? Would she even do that? The last time I saw her, she was a perfect alchemist (Well, at least apart from the fact that she actually _liked _hanging out with us creatures of the night.), the Sage I last saw would never run. She was too proud of her job and too careful of not ruining her reputation once again, she was focused. Maybe she was held against her will, but why? What need would someone have for an alchemist? An alchemist without any contact with her superiors. Why didn't the captors demand a ransom? Or a trade? Anything. Why did they just keep her? For fun? Something wasn't adding up. I could feel it. I was missing a piece.

I looked out the passenger window. Eddie was driving my mustang, the car Sage loved so much. The sky was turning dark and it was time to find a place to crash over the night. Preferably something with a hint of class. Even I had standards. We had been sitting quietly throughout most of the trip, except for some casual attempts to conversation now and then. My mind was in a different place and after an hour or so when Castile kept trying to strike up conversation, it seemed like he understood that I wasn't really in the car with him. After that, he leaned back and relaxed. I had driven the car in the morning and early afternoon while Castile drove at the moment. I had spent most of my passenger-time trying to find Sage in a spirit dream. I knew in my heart that someday, it had to work. I would pull her into one of my dreams, it was just a matter of time. Her captors couldn't hide her forever. Sometime along that trail of thoughts, I had closed my eyes. Ihad been alone with my thoughts in the soft darkness in my mind but since I now felt the car drive off the highway, I opened my eyes again. In front of me was a motel. Judging from the look of it, it had seen better days, but it didn't look half as bad as the ones we'd passed so far. It was a red brick building with the traditional neon sign that told us that we were now at 'Lucky Star Motel'. Fitting. I could use some help from my own lucky star. We parked the car and Eddie went and got us a room. When he came out with the key I was leaning against the side of my yellow car with our bags at my feet. Castile took his bag and showed me the way to room number 10 which was a white door quite close to the car. The furniture inside the room wasn't anything special. Two single beds with white sheets, a dresser and a small tv on a bench at the foot of the beds. The bathroom was small but surprisingly clean and when I lied down on the bed it wasn't too hard. I lied there, staring at the ceiling, and trying to comprehend the situation. I was almost with her. I was almost in her presence again. I could barely believe it.

"Believe what?", Castile suddenly spoke. Did I say that out loud?

"Just, that I found her.", I confessed.

"I can't believe it either. Maybe I should take you as an example and never give up on anything ever again.", Eddie joked, but I could sense a hint of truth in it.

"Yeah, just don't take after me in any other aspect of your life, wouldn't want to be the one who made you a party boy.", I joked back. It felt good, it felt like we knew each other better than we actually did. I had never really gotten to know Eddie. Not in depth anyway.

"Trust me, I would never go that far.", Castile contoured and went into the bathroom. I was left alone in the room, still staring at the ceiling. As usual when I was alone, the insanity I was getting closer to started appearing. The darkness and the shadows grew and turned into horrible sights, but by now I was used to it. Most of the time I knew how to ignore it. The shadows had a favorite game, I liked to call it; 'Scare the moroi boy by killing the love of his life in different ways' or 'How many ways can we kill Sydney before he looses it?'. They played that a lot. I had seen Sage getting drained of her blood by a thirsty strigoi, I had seen her burn alive in a building that caught on fire and I had also seen her getting her throat slit by a psycho killer. And that was just a few. I hated the shadows but since I was staying away from my vices, I couldn't stop them. I just had to keep it together and try to think of happier things. I usually ended up thinking about how the sun reflected in her eyes and hair or how my golden-girl looked when she was concentrating really hard on something. I even missed the look she gave me when she was disappointed in me. I missed everything.

After another uneventful day of car driving, we finally arrived in San Francisco. Finally here, the city where the girl of my dreams hopefully still were. Me and Castile had gotten settled at our hotel and were now making up a plan on how we would find her. Eddie was sitting by a laptop searching through the internet after more leads that involved the picture I had found while still at court. He kept reading the article and looking up places and persons that were being mentioned to try and narrow down our search a bit. He also put me on the job of calling different moroi to hopefully find a feeder. I mean, I couldn't really be without blood. After a while with pulling all my different contacts I finally found a feeder that was in San Francisco and that I could use. After that I had nothing more to do. I ended up staring at the ceiling like the night before while Eddie worked. I could barely wait until I could go out on the streets and actually begin searching. I guess I was pretty tired because I fell asleep almost instantly, and in my sleep, I dreamed.

_It started of with just me. Just me and darkness. Suddenly a golden flame sparked to my right and I looked at it. I was plunged into a dream. I was in my old apartment in Palm Springs, the one with the bright yellow walls and the plaid sofa. The apartment looked exactly like the time before she disappeared. Even the paintings that was stood around the room was the same ones that I had painted a week or so before the kidnapping, which was odd since the last time I had seen it, it was filled with paintings of everything that reminded me of Sage. Before I left it, every empty piece of wall had had at least one painting leaning on it with either a painting of the actual Sage or a painting of something golden on it. But as I said, this time it was filled with my usual boring art that I made for my classes. It was like being transported back in time. Back to a happier time. Well, I was a bit heartbroken back then, after being rejected the second time around, but she had at least been a phone call away. Oh god I missed her. While I stood there in the middle of the room in some old clothing I had worn in Palm Springs, just reminiscing, I felt the presence of somebody else. Suddenly I got the feeling that this wasn't my usual kind of dream. Everything seemed to detailed, to real. When I turned around I stood face to face with the ghost Sage. She gave me a weak smile and something that looked like a wave, but her eyes only screamed sadness. It seemed like she could never become happy._

_"Well, hello there not-really-Sage-but-still-Sage.", I said with the most cheering tone I could muster. The old apartment, ghost Sage and all the memories became too much for me. I had a hard time holding back tears and waves of sadness that washed over me like it was tidal and I was the shore. The Sage in front of me nodded as a greeting._

_"So, you're doing this dream thingy?", She nodded and seemed almost proud of herself, but at the same time, she seemed scared. Scared of everything really. She kept her arms close to her body like she was afraid to touch anything and she kept looking around her with a sort of panicked expression. _

_"I guess you didn't want to talk to me around Castile huh?", I questioned. I could understand her though, it wouldn't have been fun to explain to Eddie why a gray Sage was standing in front of him. Like I thought, Sage nodded. _

_"Well, okay. Are we even close to finding you?", It was best to ask the most obvious questions first. My ghostly Sage did that thing with her hand again which I interpreted as 'kind of'. It gave me hope. She didn't Sage yes, but she didn't say no either. Maybe I wasn't that far away._

_"Awesome, Will it be hard finding you? I mean, are you like holed up somewhere?", Suddenly I was ecstatic. I was going to rescue her. I was going to be her knight in shining armor. The pale Sage in front of me started by shrugging and then she shook her head. _

_"Okay, you don't know if it will be hard finding you and you're not holed up somewhere, correct?", I needed things clear or else I would get confused. She nodded and looked pleased so I guessed that was good._

_"Um, okay. Is it- How did you even learn how to dream walk? I thought it was trademarked for us spirit lunatics or something.", As usual, I chose jokes to be my defense walls when I couldn't handle my feelings and I felt that I was coming off as something I didn't want to be. Sage just shook her head as if saying 'I don't know how I do this.'. It kind of freaked me out. First I'm seeing a Sage ghost who isn't really Sage but still is her, and then the ghost starts initiating spirit dreams. Something was off here. Maybe it was just insanity playing mind games on me. What if I finally had lost track of reality? What if I was locked up at a mental hospital? How would I even know? It scared me. It scared me so much. Even more than the thought of dying. Not quite as much as the thought of Sage dying though, but still. I was starting to panic, and somehow Sage seemed to start to panic too. Before I knew it, the dream was over._

I shot straight up to a sitting position on my bed in the hotel. My heart was pounding, my hands shaking and my whole body was drenched in sweat. Castile sat a few feet away by the coffee table, staring at me with a scared look.

"God Adrian, you scared the hell out of me!", The dhampir exclaimed and his panicked expression changed to something that might've been concern but was so dulled down that it was hard to see. "Bad dream?", he simply asked while returning to his search. I felt like I was mute. I couldn't find my voice. The panic still had it's cold grip around my body and it was forcing my heart to beat faster. I felt like it was going to explode in my chest. Excactly when I started seeing concern and worry break free and intensify in Castile's aura, the panic left. My heart slowed down and at the same time Eddie started turning his gaze back to me, I found my voice.

"Horrible dream.", I simply stated, a bit of fear leaking into my voice. However, Eddie didn't seem to think that was anything to worry about since he returned to his search once again while I got up and walked into the bathroom. I needed to freshen up. Spirit was ruining my life.


	5. Joy is overrated

An hour or so after my strange dream, we were walking down the street a block or two away from our hotel. We had decided to do some looking around and getting to know the city while at the same time, we were looking for anything to connect to our missing person's case. On the outside we probably looked like typical tourists, carrying our cameras and maps, while we walked down street after street. Eddie did what Eddie did best, he memorized. Street names, shop names, buildings, everything. I guess it was because of his dhampir training or whatever, but it was impressing. I could barely remember how old I were from time to time. After a while of walking in blazing sun, I was understandably tired. I decided to head into a small coffee shop while I told Castile to go on for a while without me. He could always come get me when he was done. I sat down by a small table in the air conditioned shop and ordered a coffee when the impossible happened. In through the door walked a girl who wore a plaid brown skirt and a short sleeved creme blouse. The girl had blonde hair and eyes like gold, and on her left cheek I saw the glimmer of a golden tattoo. She was here. Sage was here. All casual, in a coffee shop in San Francisco. Without thinking, I was up on my feet and standing in front of her. I could feel tears streaming down my face but I didn't care. _I did it! _

"Oh my god, Sage is it really you? The alchemist and me have been looking everywhere for you!", I wanted to hug her but she seemed freaked our so I resorted to put a hand on her arm. That's when she tried to push past me.

"Excuse me, you must be mistaken. I'm not this 'Sage' you speak of and I don't know what an 'alchemist' is either.", she looked down at the floor and refused eye contact like I was some lunatic. Since I couldn't read her face, I decided to check her aura. Her aura that was once so bright and shining yellow was now covered in a thick layer of something gray. Had someone tampered with her? What was going on?

"Come on Sage, I came all the way from court looking for you.", I was not giving up.

"I'm not named Sage. Just, let me pass.", she was still trying to push past me. I was holding my ground.

"Yes you are. You are Sydney Sage, alchemist. I am Adrian Ivashkov, moroi.", I was confused. She couldn't have forgotten me, right?

"What? What the hell is a 'moroi'? And what is an 'alchemist'? My name is Sydney, sure, but not Sage. Now if you'll excuse me.", This time she did push past me. She went straight and placed her order at the counter and I stood there, baffled. Did she just _swear? _Sage swore? What the actual fuck was even going on here? Why did she say she wasn't named Sage? Why didn't she recognize me? Why didn't she now what either a moroi or an alchemist were? So many questions, so little answers. On her way out, I stopped her again.

"What the..- Can you move?!", She was super pissed by now. I would've been too.

"You're telling the truth? You don't know what an alchemist is? Or a moroi? And you're not named Sage?", I needed answers immediately.

"Yes I am telling the truth.", She stared me down. When her eyes met mine, I could see something spark under the cloak that was over her aura. Somehow, a small hole was poked in the fabric-like material and a small ray of light flooded out. In her eyes I saw recognition spark and then disappear. I stared her down and blocked her path, I needed some more details.

"Okay, look, you're cute and all, but you seem crazy and I have an appointment to get to, so can you move?", She was speaking with a softer tone now, like I really was mental.

"Never thought I'd hear those words slip out of your mouth, at least not in the nearest future. Are you sure that you have no idea what I'm talking about?", The sadness hit me again mixed with disappointment. They were not a cocktail I would recommend to anyone.

"Yes, I'm sure. Can you please let me out of the door?", Something about that small spark in her aura had made her more gentle towards me. I didn't want her to leave, but with my heart feeling like a stone in my chest, I stepped aside. She stopped for a second on her way past me and patted my cheek. She even smiled and whispered a 'thank you'. That broke me inside. Suddenly I was tired and lonely. I was disappointed and filled with nothingness. Everything felt hopeless. She didn't remember me. She didn't remember anything. She was gone. This was what the ghost Sage had been talking about. Sage was here, but still she wasn't here. Her body walked around with a tampered mind. She wasn't Sage, she was someone else. Someone else who had looked into to my eyes and _recognized _me. Somewhere, hidden underneath the new Sydney Sage, was my own golden-girl. The realization crushed me. She was there, somewhere. She was a prisoner in her own mind. Somehow, I managed to get back to my table and sit down on a chair. I had no recollection whatsoever that I had even moved, but suddenly I was sat there, elbows on the table and head in my hands. The world seemed faded around me. The colors were dull and the people were like shadows brushing past me. After what felt like a lifetime sitting there trying to form a coherent thought, I felt a shaking on my shoulder. Suddenly I was woken from my thoughts and the world came crashing in on me. The colors intensified and the details became sharper. I wanted to shield my eyes against the brightness of it all but I fought it. At a chair next to me sat Eddie, looking concerned and at the same time as he watched me, I could see his eyes darting around the room, looking for threats. I was probably looking pretty spooked since my encounter with this weird new Sage.

"What's up Adrian?", Castile tried looking casual and calm but his aura gave him away. He was scared. Scared and worried. I wondered if he also had seen the same Sage as I had.

"Did you meet her?", No time to waste. I would have to tell him about her anyway if he hadn't seen her.

"Who?", He asked. Such a dumb question. Who did we know in San Francisco? Nobody.

"The Queen of England.", I said ironically. "Sage of course. Did you meet her?"

"Very funny. No I haven't found a trace.", He answered matter of factly.

"I didn't ask if you found any traces. I asked if you _met _her.", I didn't feel like being nice anymore.

"Um, no.. Did you?! Adrian, did you find her?!", He seemed hopeful at that. If he only knew.

"I did.", I answered weakly. I saw his face switch from hope to excitement. "But I also didn't.", I added.

"Wait, I don't understand.", He seemed confused now. By all means, he should be.

"I met Sage but she wasn't Sage anymore. She was this weird person who didn't even know who the alchemists was. She was clueless.", I sighed and put my head in my hands once again.

"What?", was all he could muster. His world seemed upside down.

"Her aura was kind of cloaked by this gray thing, I have no idea what it was but it seems to keep her memories away.", I felt that I needed to tell him everything. Maybe we could figure this out if we used our collected brainpower.

"Cloaked? Okay, this is getting to weird for me. Spirit isn't exactly my department.", He said truthfully. I understood him even though he annoyed me. I wanted help, but he didn't know a thing about spirit and its different quirks.

"Yeah, like someone had put a blanket on it. When she looked at my face, a small part broke and made a little hole where her aura kind of shone through like a ray of sunlight.", It was best to keep the explanations simple. Eddie seemed lost in a train of thought so I decided to do the same. What had happened to Sage? How did she end up in San Francisco with her memory wiped? Why was she just walking around town all casual? Why would someone take the effort of kidnapping a teenage girl, wiping her memory and then set her free in a big city? Nothing added up. Everything was just so strange. We sat there, deep in thought for a very long time. No one spoke. We just sat there. Eddie alone with his guardian mind working in overdrive, while I was alone with my misery and despair. I had finally found her but she had turned out to be someone completely different. After a while, the customers were fewer and the sky changed its color. The owner of the small shop grew tired of us just sitting there and told us that it was closing time. By then we had been sitting in our own thoughts for several hours. We walked back to the hotel in silence. Everything we did was in silence until we were in our room and the night was well on its way to becoming morning. It was Eddie who broke the silence, sitting in an armchair at the feet of our beds.

"I just can't believe it."

"Me neither.", I grimly spoke and turned my face to the wall. I was laying on my side in my bed, looking at the patterns in the wall. I had stopped thinking a long time ago. Now I was just kind of floating around.

"How are you holding up? I mean, you have been so intent on finding her and then you find.. this..", I could hear him sighing and leaning back in the chair. I sighed too. He didn't even know about me and Sage and everything that had went down between us before all this. He didn't know she was the love of my life.

"I'm not.", I answered. I wasn't holding up. I was a mess on the inside. I was filled with chaos and mayhem. My feelings didn't know how to feel and my thoughts didn't know what to think. Nothing was in order and everything was incoherent. I hated it.

"You seem fine on the outside at least.", Castile mumbled. I could hear him getting up and pacing the room.

"I know. I'm a natural at seeming normal, remember?", I couldn't help it. My usual snark crept in and decided to act while I couldn't stop it.

"Yeah, I know. I just.. I can't stand this confusion. Are we missing something? Is it something we need to know to solve this stupid puzzle?", Eddie was getting frustrated. I could sense it.

"We need to know who the fuck is able to erase memories. That's the missing piece here.", I simply stated. We really did need to know that. Without that very important piece, we were just fumbling in the dark.

"I suggest we sleep on it. We won't come up with better ideas when sleep deprived.", Castile's guardian mentality took over and I decided to obey. I might as well sleep.

"Okay. Nighty night guardian boy.", I spoke before making myself comfortable. I could hear a distant _'Yeah, goodnight Adrian'_ before I drifted into the merciful daze of sleep. It felt good.

* * *

_A/N: Happy new year to all you lovely people who read this silly story, you are amazing!_


	6. Sometimes, silence is silver

The next day I had decided my next move. I needed to speak to her again. I needed to be sure that she wasn't here anymore, I needed to know that it wasn't really her. Eddie wanted to do some research so I took my opportunity to leave and go to the coffee shop where I met her the day before. I just hoped she would come there today too. I didn't know where else to find her. I strolled over to the shop and was there an hour earlier than the previous day. Thinking that I might be sat by a table for a long time, I went and bought a cup of coffee. I sat myself down at the same table as the day before and sipped on my coffee while my mind wandered. What would I do if she didn't show up? Would I continue looking for her or just sit her in this coffee shop for another day? What would I even ask her when I saw her? Would she even stay and chat with me or would she run away scared? So many questions, so little answers. My mind kept on going in those directions and after a while I felt drowned in different emotions. Hope. Fear. Sadness. Regret. Everything was messed up, but I was pretty used to things being messed up. Everything seemed to go wrong in my life. I seemed to have a talent for breaking everything I touched. Myself, I was a broken wreck of a person. I was an alcoholic and a smoker, while I had a string of broken hearts behind me. I wasn't the ideal person in any kind of aspect of my life, and when I finally collected myself and thought I was doing progress, even fell in love, everything went downhill again. I had the feeling that this was my life. This was how my life would end up like. A broken mess. I would never get the perfect life or the happy ending, I would screw up everything over and over again. Maybe I didn't deserve Sage. Maybe this was the universe's way of telling me that it was time to give up on her, to set her free. I hoped not. While I sat there in my own thoughts, someone snapped their fingers in front of my face. Returning to the world, I caught a glimpse of a gleaming golden tattoo before I focused and saw who the intruder of my thoughts were. Sage.

"I said; Hello there pal. Still sitting here I see?", This new Sage was a lot braver and out going than the usual one. I plastered on a smirk even though all I wanted was to break down in tears.

"Hello there _Sydney._", It didn't feel right to call her that. Not now anyway. "I was waiting for you actually.", I stated truthfully. I was going to get as many answers as possible.

"And how did you know I would be here?", She raised an eyebrow and looked at me challenging.

"Lucky guess.", I teased and she rolled her eyes. "The Sage I know is a big caffeine freak. Just figured you would be the same.", I didn't feel like lying today.

"Okay, So you're still going strong with the belief that I'm this 'Sage' person?", She asked, a humorous tone in her voice.

"I'm certain that you are my Sage. You just don't know it.", I smirked once again. It was better than crying and making a fool of myself.

"You know, I have to say that there's something familiar about you.", She put a finger tapping against her lip as if she was deep in thought. "Yep, definitely something familiar about you. But I'm totally sure I'm not this 'Sydney Sage' though so you can give up right there pal.", She flashed a teasing smile. She was so different from the girl I was used to.

"Then who are you?", I dived right into my questions.

"I'm not sure I should tell a possibly crazy guy in a coffee shop who I am.", She teased. "You know, the whole 'don't talk to strangers' thing?", she was completely different from my Sage.

"Yeah yeah, you _did _say I looked familiar. That means I'm not a stranger.", I smiled this time. Even though my smiles wasn't real, they still managed to create an illusion inside me that everything was normal.

"Slow down there crazy guy, I said you looked _familiar. _Not like I knew you. _Familiar._", She emphasized. "You know, like when you see an actor in a movie and you just _know _that you have seen them in some other movie or TV-series or whatever, but you just can't put your finger on where. That's the feeling I get from you.", She suddenly looked triumphant. Like she had solved a riddle long before anyone else.

"Oh so now I'm a b-list celebrity. Nice.", I said sarcastically. "What a lovely comparison."

"I meant it in a good way.", She had her hands on the table and was leaning on her arms. Her hair was hanging like a drape, covering the right half of her face from the people around us. She was so beautiful.

"I know you did. Just you recognizing me is positive.", I spoke. It really was.

"If you say so. Now, if you'll excuse me, this was a lovely chat crazy guy, but I have to get going now.", She started stretching and I was suddenly in the cold grip of my old friend panic.

"It's Adrian. Not crazy guy.", I quickly said. "And you can't leave, I have a lot of questions that needs answers.", I didn't want her to leave.

"Sorry, I really have too. I'm a busy girl _Adrian._", She made a big deal of pronouncing my name before she rolled her eyes. "I'm sure I can answer them some other time."

"That's the thing, you can't. I need my answer now. Preferably yesterday but since that is long gone, I want them ASAP.", I rushed out the words, and for a second, I could feel spirit pushing the words faster.

"Slow down there crazy guy.", She looked like she paused to think. "I can make you a deal. I'll meet you here this afternoon at around five, and I'll answer as many questions as possible.", She smiled.

"Great, great, but what's in this 'deal' for you?", I asked skeptically. Something was fishy.

"Oh I don't know, the pleasure of your company? Something like that.", I raised one eyebrow questioning and she laughed. Oh how I had longed to hear that laugh. "Okay, okay, calm down crazy guy. I need some answers of my own, happy now?", She put her hands on her hips and looked amused.

"Deal.", I simply stated and stretched out my hand for her to shake it. She took it and we shook.

"It's still Adrian.", I said while looking her dead in the eyes. Something about her shifted and she looked a bit hazy for a second before a big smile appeared on her face.

"Okay _A-dri-an._", She made a big deal out of pronouncing every part of my name before she rolled her eyes, waved and walked out the door with a take away mug of coffee in her left hand. I watched her back until she disappeared and when she was out of sight, I got the feeling of loneliness. I had met her, talked to her, even touched her, but it still wasn't her. I still had a hole in my heart and I still missed her. It was strange how the mind worked. My mind had seen, touched and heard her but it still separated her from the Sage I wanted to meet. My mind could tell the difference and refused to acknowledge this girl I had just sensed as Sage. It was strange, but still relieving. It meant that my mind was me, and that I wasn't on a trip away from myself and sanity. Suddenly I was lunged back into reality and I decided to use this time window I had until my meeting with _Sydney _to go and get some blood. I mean, come on, a guy's gotta eat. I had gone for far too long without blood, I was starting to feel tired and weak. It wasn't really healthy.

I was at the shop early. Waiting. When the clock on the wall was five, Sage walked in through the door. She looked kind of relaxed, but through the cloak on her aura, I saw anxiety lurk. Whatever she wanted answered, It was something she was nervous about asking. This time I sat in a booth by the left side of the room. She strolled over to the counter and bought a cup of coffee before sitting down on the opposite side of me. She stared at me for a second with a new interest. I didn't know what it was, but something about me made the rip in the cloak that coated her aura a bit bigger. More light streamed out of the small crack and it filled me with warmth. _Progress._

"So, are you ready for question time?", I asked with a teasing tone to my voice. She just sighed and nodded once. "Okay, here we go; What's your name?", I asked. She just rolled her eyes.

"We've been through this, why would I tell a strange guy my name?", She tried to look serious but a small smile played on her lips.

"Because you don't think I'm a stranger. You recognize me.", I answered, my voice was as steady as ever, even though my nerves were threatening to make my hands shake.

"Fair enough, My name is Sydney Andrews.", She looked down in her cup while talking but as soon as her sentence reached its end, she looked up straight into my eyes. I tasted her name in my mouth. _Sydney Andrews. _Didn't feel too bad, it just felt wrong since she wasn't Andrews. She was Sage.

"Okay. Next question; How long have you been here in San Francisco?", That was an obvious question that needed an answer.

"I don't know.", She wrinkled her forehead, deep in thought. "Maybe.. Six months? Five? Something like that.", She seemed pleased by her answer but my warning bells started ringing. Six months. Six months she had just been her in San Francisco, living like a different person.

"So, Where were you before you came here?", She couldn't have any memories of a time before this place since the time before this obviously was wiped from her memory.

"Um.. Let me see.. Right before San Francisco I was in my hometown.", She paused to think. "Palm Springs. That's were I grew up and lived until recently.", I was taken aback by shock. So she did remember Palm Springs, just not the important parts.

"Why did you move?", I quickly asked. I needed to know more.

"Um, Personal reasons. Or, really, it was my aunt. She wanted to move so I came along.", She wasn't sharing anymore details. Maybe because she didn't remember any more of them.

"Okay, So what's your aunt's name?", I didn't really have any more questions that needed answers right now but I really didn't want our conversation to end.

"Okay buddy, that's crossing a line. Too personal, not answering.", She leaned back and crossed her arms on her chest. I was disappointed. If she wouldn't even tell me the name of her so called 'aunt' then she would most likely not even answer the rest of my questions. Too bad.

"Okay, sorry. Then I'm sadly all out of questions.", I stated and mirrored her by leaning back and crossing my own arms on my chest.

"Too bad, this was getting fun.", She looked disappointment for a second before her expression changed to look like excitement. "Time for my questions.", She practically jumped up and down in her seat, she was thrilled.

"Shoot. I got nothing to hide.", I said simply and smirked.

"Okay, number one; What's your name?", I laughed softly to hide the fact that I got a lump in my throat as soon as those words crossed her lips. I missed the real Sage.

"Sure you want to know?", I teased. She just rolled her eyes and nodded. "Adrian Ivashkov.", I stared straight into her eyes to see if I could fuel any reaction, and I sure did. When she heard my name her aura became brighter under the cloak. It was as if it tried to break free.

"Pretty name.", She said casually, even though I could see the surprise play in her face. I didn't know why she was surprised, maybe she recognized my name, maybe she just thought it was weird. "Why are you in San Francisco? I assume you're not from a round here, you're too much of a pale face to be that.", She mocked. I took it easy.

"I'm here with my friend. We're kind of on a job.", I chose not to comment the fact that she called me pale face.

"And yet you have time to hang out in a coffee shop all day?", She raised an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Obviously.", I spoke casually even though every word I said to her made my heart twist and turn. I missed her event though she sat in front of me. My comment made her laugh and look at the clock. All color drained form her face while she looked at it and she was suddenly in a hurry.

"I'm sorry Adrian, I'm late to this _thing_ and I really need to go. Like now.", She rose to her feet and started going towards the door.

"You can't just_ leave. _Can't your thing wait?", I pushed her to stay. I didn't want her to leave even though it hurt to watch her.

"No it _can't. _Bye crazy guy. Maybe I'll see you around?", She called over her shoulder while she power walked to the door. I ran up to her and stood myself in front of the door, blocking her way.

"Yes you will most likely see me around. Just, are you sure you can't stay?", I pleaded.

"Yes I am. Now move.", She was growing impatient and angry.

"Promise me one thing first.", I milked this situation.

"I don't have time for this! Move!", She was nearly shouting by now and the few other customers in the shop was looking at us.

"Promise me one little thing.", I held my ground.

"Fine, what?!", She was really angry and kept looking at the clock.

"That you will come back here tomorrow.", I said calmly, looking into her eyes.

"Fine. I promise to come back here tomorrow, now can you just step aside crazy guy?", Poor impatient Sage.

"If you stop calling me crazy guy.", Suddenly, it was like she had had enough. She raised a hand and opened her mouth to say something, but she changed her mind in the last second. Her hand dropped and she looked at me.

"I like to call you crazy guy. It suits you somehow.", After that, she pushed me aside and ran out the door.

* * *

_A/N: I would just like to tell you that I am aiming to have published all chapters of this story before The indigo spell is released. Just so you know. By the looks of it now, it will be about 14 chapters, but it might be longer or shorter. We'll see. I would also like to thank you all again for reading this and reviewing and everything, you guys inspire me to work faster and become better at my writing!_


	7. Reality is abstract

The next day, I was torn apart. I had told Eddie about my encounter with 'Sydney Andrews' and he had been shocked. He kept muttering things that sounded like 'This can't be good' and 'What the hell am I gonna do now?' but he spoke more to himself than me so I knew better than to answer. We sat there, both deep in thought. I didn't know about him, but I was thinking of whatever could have happened. Who could've taken her? Why would someone take her? I didn't understand. After a while of thinking, Eddie spoke.

"I think we should spend some time building theories."

"Awesome idea.", I said grimly and Eddie opened up his laptop and opened a new document. I never took him as the organized type but by the way he made a headline and labeled every theory, something made me think he really was a neat person deep inside.

"I have a theory. Strigoi took her, something went wrong, she got a blow to the head and she forgot a major part of her life. When the strigoi realized that she was useless, they put her in someones care and left.", Eddie stated.

"Yeah, but why wouldn't they just drain or turn her if she was useless?", I pointed out the obvious.

"You're right.", He sighed. "Okay, second theory; The alchemist tampered with her memory in secret because they didn't want anything to do with her anymore.", He seemed confident.

"Okay. Plausible, even though I don't understand why they would make up a whole different life for her instead of just wiping her memory and sending her home.", I was really picky today. Nothing but the best for my Sage.

"Stop picking on me. I'm trying my best here.", Castile seemed annoyed. I made a big deal of pretending to think for a long time even though I had about a thousand different theories made up in my head since the day she disappeared.

"How about this; The anti-royal groups took her, pressed her for details about Jill or whatever, Lissa gets the law passed, They realize Sage is worthless, they wipe her memory and arranges so that she gets a new anonymous life so she can't tell who they were or what they did to her.", Even though this was one of my best theories, it still didn't quite add up. We were missing something here.

"Good one. Still not spot on though.", Eddie muttered and wrote it down. We kept doing this theory-exchange for an hour or so before Eddie started complaining that he was hungry. He left me alone while he went away to grab some food and that was when my feelings got another punch. I was sitting in an armchair and for once, my thoughts were blank. I was sitting in the silence and just enjoying the fact that I wasn't in a dark place in my mind. It was glorious. And when I was in the middle of enjoying it, the ghostly Sage appeared again. One moment I was alone, the next she was stood in front of me. She gave me one hell of a scare.

"Jesus Sage, you scared the crap out of me.", I said while I was clutching my chest with my right hand. I was not in the mood for a heart attack. She just gave me a sort of half smile and shrugged a bit as if saying 'I'm sorry'. Then she reverted to looking sad and gray. I hated her for looking like that. Here I was, having one Sage being the complete opposite of what I was used to, and one Sage being all sad and depressing. No one was _my _Sage. They weren't the one I was trying so hard to find. I suddenly remembered that this gray Sage couldn't speak and was relying on me to ask questions, so I took a deep breath. Here goes.

"Was it strigoi that took you?", I held my breath. I didn't want to know, not really. She shook her head firmly and I exhaled. Okay, so no strigoi involvement. Moving on.

"Was it moroi or dhampirs?", she shook her head once again. That left one option.

"So it was humans?", that seemed highly unlikely. But then again, alchemists were humans. She made the gesture that I know knew meant 'kind of' and I was suddenly certain. The alchemists. Those sons of bitches. I was going to kick them into the next century. Once I had Sage's memory back so that she could be proud of me, of course. I sighed and the Sage before me looked at me with curiosity. She was intrigued and probably wondered what theory I had made up just by our very short conversation.

"So yeah, I have a theory. I think I know exactly what happened.", Best to be honest. At least she couldn't nag and pull my thoughts out of me now that she didn't have a voice. But even though she was pale, mute and was very much like a ghost, she was still the closest to my Sage that I had ran into during these horrible six months. The only thing missing was her aura and vibrant energy.

"You do know that you're the closest to the Sage I remember, right?", I asked. I needed her to know this, even if she wasn't her. She nodded very small. It was like she was shy. She was very much like my Sage.

"And you do know that I'm super awesome and that I'm gonna get you back, no matter what?", This time she rolled her eyes and I saw her fight the urge to smile. That was the Sage I knew and loved.

"I'm mean it though, I'm not gonna give up. I'm gonna find a way to get the real you back, both for your sake and mine.", I made a sharp turn and became serious. She copied me and nodded once, without even a hint of doubt. She really believed in my ability to find a solution. It warmed something deep inside me. Shortly after that realization, she waved weakly and disappeared. I was left, feeling alone once again. As always, when I felt alone, the shadows grew. All of a sudden, I was surrounded by darkness. It was as if someone had put a thick black blanket over my entire body, I couldn't breathe. Everything was darkness and I could barely think straight. I thought I was going to die. I couldn't breathe, couldn't see, couldn't hear and I couldn't think. Everything was just pain and panic and in that moment I was sure that it would kill me, and if it didn't I would kill myself just to never have to deal with this horrible pressure and numbness ever again. As sudden as it appeared, the darkness vanished. At first, I was relieved. Then, I looked around me. I wasn't in my hotel room in San Francisco. I was in Palm Springs, in my apartment. I was lying in my bed, my sheets tangled in my legs, and the room was bright. I looked over to the clock I knew that I used to have by my bedside and saw that it was four in the afternoon. Panic started to flood me. Was this real? Had I dreamed everything about Sage's kidnapping? Had I finally lost it and stopped seeing the difference between dreaming and being awake? I didn't know what to think. Which world was the real one? What was a dream and what was reality? How would I even know? I rose from my bed and put on some clothes I found lying around on my floor. When I walked out in the apartment, I got the strongest feeling of deja vú. The apartment looked exactly like that afternoon Sage disappeared. Everything was the same, even the dirty dishes I had forgotten beside one of my easels. Nothing had moved at all, I even saw the dust bunnies I usually kept forgetting to clean up that was there in the corner by the sofa. I kept walking through the apartment, but I watched every step I took. I acted as if there was a bomb or some hidden alarms that I didn't want to set off. I took it extremely careful since I didn't know what this was. Was it a dream or reality? The silence was cut off by my phone who started ringing and scared me to death. The display showed 'Sage' so of course I hurried up and answered.

"Hello?", I said, a bit hesitantly. I couldn't believe what was going on.

"We're on our way to your place now, you wanted a ride with us, right?", I heard Sage's beautiful voice say and I almost dropped my phone in surprise. It was really her.

"Um, who are 'we'?", This couldn't be. She had said the exact same thing when she called me that day when she disappeared.

"Jill, Eddie, Angeline and me of course. Adrian, have you been drinking?", She sounded worried. I crouched down and put my head in my free hand. I was panicking. Something was wrong.

"No I haven't. I'm just a bit tired, that's all.", I finally managed to choke out. It felt like my feelings were fighting over who was superior. It was like I had a full on boxing game inside me. The panic of reliving the same moment I had did before, the joy of hearing Sage's voice and knowing it was her and the worry of what was going on. I kept getting the different feelings in flashes. Panic. Joy. Worry. Panic. Joy. Worry. Panic. Joy. Worry.

"Oh, okay. We should be there in five minutes or so. Please be ready by then, we're on a kind of pressured schedule.", I heard Sage's voice inform me in the phone.

"Okay.", I just mumbled to reply and I could hear her sigh on the other end of the line.

"Goodbye Adrian, see you in a few.", I had a hard time breathing again.

"Bye.", It came out as a whisper and before I knew it, she hung up. I stared at my phone for a while before noticing the date. It was the day she went missing. But was this reality or a dream? Was I awake or asleep? How would I ever know? I soon decided to just go along with whatever this was. It was better to play along if it was a dream, and if it was reality, I couldn't just sit here being panicked. So I went outside and looked for Sage's car. I waited in the shade of the building and something struck me, I felt the heat. If it was a dream, I wouldn't have been this disturbed by the dry heat and gazing sun, right? But I was disturbed. I felt like my clothes were sticking to my body and that I was thirsty. It scared me. Everything did. When I finally saw the car, I could barely believe my eyes. She parked in front of me and I could see her through the car window. Right when I reached out my hand to the door handle, I fell. I fell back into darkness. It was that same black blanket again, covering me, making it hard to exist.

When I was back to my senses, I was sitting in the same chair as before in San Francisco. At first, I breathed a sigh of relief. It had been a dream. This was reality. Or at least so I thought. It was still scary that I had been having doubts about reality and what was real. Was I loosing my grip on the world? Was I going crazy for real? This had been more than just darkness. This had been something more powerful and intimidating. Something dangerous. What if it happened again and I lost track of reality for real? What if the next time, I didn't feel relieved when I returned to reality? What if the next time, I thought reality was a dream? What would happen to me? I would be locked up for sure, locked up at a mental facility or something, mumbling things about auras and booze. I didn't want that destiny.


	8. Some things never change

As soon as Eddie came back from his food run, I left to find Sage. From my former experiences, I had learned which time she would show up at the coffee shop so I hurried there to meet her. I needed to speak to her again. I needed to make sure that this was real. I needed to look her in the eyes and feel the spark that used to be between us. I needed to feel alive. I practically ran in through the door and shocked a few costumers, but it didn't bother me. I was used to getting attention. She was at the counter, paying for her coffee so I stayed, hovering by the door, waiting to grab her on her way out. I couldn't stand still, I kept shuffling my feet and flexing my arms. Maybe it was my nerves that were messing things up for me, maybe I was just going mad. She came towards me and stopped right in front of me, a big smile on her lips.

"Hello crazy guy.", She simply said.

"Hello 'My-name-is-Andrews'.", I said back. I mirrored her smile even though I didn't feel like it at all. Oh the beauty of have been a faker all my life. It was almost too easy to make people think I was okay.

"So, what's up?", She asked, she didn't seem to be in a hurry today.

"Do you have time? I need to speak with you.", I needed some clarification.

"Actually, I do. I have an hour or so off.", She seemed a lot happier and relaxed today.

"Great, why don't we sit down?", I gestured to the nearest table and we sat ourselves down on the chairs.

"Okay, talk.", She sipped on her coffee and looked at me expectantly. I drew a deep breath.

"I've been thinking a bit on what happened to you and whatever-"

"Crazy guy, I've told you that I moved here. With my aunt. Nothing strange have happened.", she interrupted me.

"Just listen. I know for a fact that you are my Sydney Sage and that you were kidnapped.", I saw that she was about to interrupt me again so I raised my hand to silence her. "I don't care what you think, I'm sure about it. Listen to me please.", I looked at her, pleading. She stared at me for a second and then sighed and leaned back, arms crossed on her chest.

"This is what I get for calling you crazy guy, huh?", She seemed kind of pissed of but that soon went away and she flashed a small smile. "Okay, tell me what you think", This time she drew her hand across her mouth as if closing a zipper, meaning she wouldn't interrupt anymore. I was pleased.

"Okay, so here's the deal. You were kidnapped about six months ago and from a hopefully reliable source, I learned that it was humans even though they weren't really humans. Any thoughts so far?", I expected a whole rant about her life and that she didn't remember any of that, but instead she just nodded and seemed calm.

"How could it have been anything but humans?", She wore a confused expression, but somehow, I could see under her cloaked aura that she was as calm as ever. She only pretended that she didn't know anything about non-humans. Something was up here. Lucky for me, I was an excellent actor too.

"Long story. I'll explain sometime, even though I hope to retrieve your memories before I need to explain anything. Any other questions?", I asked. She simply shook her head and I continued.

"Okay, so you were kidnapped in Palm Springs and since then I've been looking for you but you vanished without a trace so it was pretty hard.", I drew a deep breath. I had so many things to say. "Up until recently, I had no clue where you were, nobody did. But then I saw you in the background of a photo in this news article and I was so surprised. I was shocked and relieved and a thousand other things all at once. I was going through hell when you were gone. It was awful.", I sighed and she took her opportunity to squeeze in a question.

"Why were you going through hell? Did this Sage person mean a lot to you?", She seemed concerned. It kind of caught me of guard. I was a stranger to her, all she knew was my name and that I thought she was someone else. She shouldn't be concerned, she should be afraid or skeptical, not concerned.

"You meant the world to me. When you were _you, _You were the only one that understood me and kept me from going insane.", There was no need to lie. After all, she had been taken away from me once.

"Okay, that was deep.", She seemed a bit shocked by that, and she really reminded me of my Sage.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I tend to get a bit deep when I talk about important things.", I apologized. I wasn't sorry at all really. She just had to deal with it.

"That's okay. It was kind of beautiful too.", She smiled. She was so pretty even though I didn't feel the same towards this Sage as I did to the one I had fallen for. She wasn't the same person as the one I loved so deep.

"Okay, let's move on. Anyway, I have a question for you.", I spoke. She seemed surprised at that.

"For me? Okay, shoot crazy guy.", She leaned forward and placed her elbows on the table and her hands behind her neck. I leaned back.

"Where, why, and when did you get your tattoo?", I smiled. It would be fun to see her answer to this one.

"That's three questions technically.", She looked amused.

"Just, answer please.", I pleaded. I was not in the mood for games today.

"Let's see.. I got it in Palm Springs, I think.", She wrinkled her forehead like she was deep in thought. "Um, I got it because I thought it was pretty?", She seemed to be having trouble thinking. Just what I thought. "And I don't remember when I got it. This is weird. Everything is kind of blurry.", She sighed and looked at me again. I simply nodded and smiled.

"Just what I thought.", I was overflowing with pride over my idea. She couldn't deny that her memory loss was strange now.

"What? What did you think?", She was really confused now, and she was also very intrigued.

"That someone has tampered with your memory. Otherwise you would have remembered where, when and why you got that golden lily.", I pointed to her cheek. She placed her hand on the tattoo then, as if she didn't want me to see it.

"The name crazy guy really suits you.", She simply said before dropping her hand and placing it in her lap along with the other hand. I smiled.

"Oh, If you only knew.", I almost laughed. She thought I was crazy _now. _I wondered what she would've thought of me if said that I had seen a ghost that looked like her. She would most certainly run as fast as she could away from me. Lucky for me, she didn't know and instead of fleeing, she just looked at me with that concerned look again. I suddenly felt uncomfortable under her gaze and had to fight the urge to move around in my chair or nervously tap with my feet. I drew a deep breath and decided to talk some more.

"So yeah, you're kidnapped and have had your memory wiped and I'm gonna become your knight in shining armor and rescue you."

"What if you're wrong? What if I'm not the one you're searching for?", She almost whispered. She seemed sad all of a sudden.

"How many girls in America looks exactly like you and has a golden tattoo on her cheek?", I challenged. She was my Sage. No doubt about it.

"Point taken.", She murmured before looking at the clock. "I have to get going soon.", she sighed, as if she was sad that she had to leave me.

"I just have a few more things to say.", I rushed the words out. I didn't really have anything else to add, I just didn't want her to leave me again. I had to think something up fast. She nodded and I opened my mouth and said the first thing that came to mind.

"I don't want you to leave. It makes me sad.", I almost bashed my head against the table. Why did I say that?

"Well, we have fifteen minutes left to small talk on. Did this 'Sage' leave you a lot?", She seemed intrigued once again. Like she was uncovering the mystery that was Adrian Ivashkov.

"Well, yeah. Kind of. You didn't know you were really leaving me every time you did it since you didn't know how I felt towards you and all that, but this one time, you left me and you knew you hurt me when you did, but still, you left and broke my heart, and just a month after that you disappeared and left me again and it just breakes me and I don't know how to handle it-", Insanity took a swing at me and made me ramble. I could faintly hear her saying my name repeatedly while I couldn't stop talking. "-and you just keep destroying me inside and I know you don't mean it but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, I wish you'd just stay once in a while or at least not leave me when I'm vulnerable and make me sad and-", I was interrupted by her putting her hand on top of mine on the table. We looked at each other for a second before she jerked her hand away and looked at me with a shocked look on her face. I'm sure she had felt it. The jolt of electricity that always came when we touched. The gray cloak on her aura ripped open a bit more after that and she looked at me with a different light in her eyes. It looked like she started recognizing me. It made me smile even though she looked completely terrified.

"What just happened?", She looked at me with big eyes and a scared gaze.

"Your breaking through your memory loss.", I simply stated. Best to be true.

"For the record, I still don't believe in your crazy story, but I just had the weirdest thing going trough my mind.", she looked shocked.

"We still have ten minutes, why don't you tell me what you saw?", I leaned forward and looked her in the eyes. She bit her lips and hesitated for a second before speaking.

"This is going to sound stupid.", She didn't seem like she wanted to tell me.

"You're talking to a guy that thinks you're someone else entirely, nothing is stupid to me.", I simply said nonchalantly. She seemed to hesitate for another second before sighing and starting to speak.

"Okay.., I saw you and me. You stared at me and I was standing in the sunshine of a window, and you told me my eyes were pretty, and that I was pretty. I felt happy.", She shrugged. I leaned even closer.

"I think I said you were beautiful. And that you're eyes were like molten gold.", She flinched at that and looked, if possible, even more shocked.

"How did you know that?", She narrowed her eyes at me and looked suspicious mixed with her earlier shock.

"Because I was there. That was an actual memory.", I felt really happy. She had remembered. And she had felt happy about it. It felt like my lucky star finally had turned its light on me and I was so relieved. I was breaking through the cloak and the memory loss. I was getting to her.

"I still don't believe you crazy guy.", She whispered before rushing past me and out on the street.


	9. Nothing we were ever prepared for

I went back to the hotel after my latest conversation with Sage. I figured that I could use some research about amnesia and how to retrieve someone's memories once they were forgotten. I wanted my Sage back and since I had already made some progress in coming through to her, I thought that it wouldn't hurt to speed up the process. I walked in through the door of my hotel room and was met by Eddie's questioning gaze.

"What have you been up to?", He asked, a questioning look on his face.

"I met her again.", I confessed. I stuck my hands in my pockets and leaned back against the closed door.

"And?", He tried to pull out the details from me.

"Well, her memory loss is forced, for sure. I asked her things about the tattoo, like where she got it and so on, and when she didn't know, she seemed really confused. And she seemed like she doubted herself.", I sighed. "Also, the cloak thingy that is on her aura has been opened up more, so I guess that we need to try and find a way to rip the cloak apart.", I went over to my bed and sat down.

"Okay, and how would we do that?", Eddie asked. He seemed like he was doubting me a bit.

"I don't know actually.", I sighed again. I just felt exhausted.

"I guess this calls for some research?", Eddie opened up his laptop and I nodded.

"We need to know how someone can erase someone's memories and also how to make someone's memories come back.", I spoke. Castile hummed and nodded while he clicked on his browser icon. He started writing on his keyboard and it seemed like he was searching hard. Meanwhile, I was just sitting on the bed, feeling useless. What was there left for me to do? We only had one laptop with us and this wasn't exactly some information I could find, hidden in the darkest corners of my mind. Oh no. This was information nobody had told me I needed. We weren't prepared for this. All I could do was to sit there and let my mind wander. Maybe, I had some info buried somewhere. Somewhere only my subconscious could find it. I decided to let my thoughts roam free. As usual, everything started out mellow. I thought of her hair, glistening in the sunlight. Her eyes, looking like molten gold and making my knees weak. I thought of her laugh, her smile, everything that made her _her. _But as everything lately, my thoughts escalated. I spiraled down and started thinking of my greatest fears and my biggest secrets. I started thinking of everything Sage didn't remember. What if we wouldn't find a way to get her memories back? What if all the things we did and all the things I said was lost to her forever? It scared me. It also made me incredibly sad. What if she would never again remember that time in my apartment when the lights were out and she had to care for crazy me? That time when she looked like a goddess in her red dress. What if she would never remember that time when I rescued her from the Warriors? That time when I felt like I would die if she didn't come back to me. What if what if what if. How would I handle it if she would never become the one I remembered? Would I get over it with time or would I miss her until the day I drew my last breath? I was so lost in thought that I didn't even notice when the shadows started creeping closer than they had ever been before. I didn't even notice when they started dragging me into their madness and closed the door so I couldn't run. Before I could fight it, I was in the cold embrace of insanity and darkness.

I could feel it before I saw it. I could feel the cold breaths of my deepest fears in my neck. I didn't want to turn around and face them, nobody in my position would have wanted that. But still, I did. I turned around and saw my biggest fear being played in front of my eyes. I was standing in the middle of a big church. Suddenly, all lights flickered out and I found myself standing in thick darkness for a minute or two. After that, the lights flickered on. This time, I almost screamed. In front of me, by the altar, stood several coffins. Coffins in different colors and shapes. My eyes was immediately drawn to a purple one, in the middle. When I walked up to it, I gasped and clenched my heart. Tears streamed down my face in an instant and I was destroyed. In the coffin, was a pale Jill, eyes closed and lips white. She was holding a bouquet of flowers and I could tell she was dead. She had no heartbeat. The only pulse I could hear, was my own. It's racing beats bounced and echoed in the small church and they seemed amplified by a thousand. I realized that the other coffins around me also contained people and when I raised my eyes from Jailbat, I was paralyzed by fear. Sweeping my eyes over the open coffins, I could see everybody who had ever meant something to me. There was Rose, Sonya, my mom, and, worst off all, my Sage. I regained my ability to move and ran over to her. Her coffin was yellow, like the sun, and she was holding tight to a bouquet of lilies. Her usually glowing hair looked dull and broken, her usual golden aura was gone, and the color on her lips had long since disappeared. Before I knew it, I had fallen to my knees and were holding her hand hard. I was shouting her name, pounding on the floor with my fists, and complaining to any god that listened that I wanted my Sage back. And if I couldn't have her back, then I wouldn't stay behind. I would follow her. I would rather die in the hopes of meeting her, than live in the realization that she was gone. In that moment, everything felt so real. In that moment, I couldn't separate what was real and what was not. I couldn't comprehend that this was yet another fit of insanity. I couldn't understand that they weren't really dead. I believed that this was what had happened, so when the lights flickered out again and I heard the distant echo of a laughter, I thought I had just experienced a real thing.

When the shadows released me and I was once again in the hotel room in San Francisco, I immediately wanted to find something to kill myself with. It was as if I was blind. I had seen Eddie in a coffin in that church, but I didn't even notice him when I was back to reality. Eddie told me, after that happened, that I had suddenly gotten up from the bed and picked up a razor I found in the bathroom. When I started lowering it towards my wrist, he had to tackle me and fight me for it. During all this, I wasn't present in my own mind. I didn't remember any of this, and that was the scariest part. I didn't remember that I almost killed myself. I didn't remember being tackled by a dhampir. I didn't remember a thing. It wasn't until I felt Eddie shaking me and screaming at my face that my mind came back to reality. I blinked hard several times before focusing my gaze on Eddie and realizing that the whole coffin incident hadn't been real. I sighed in relief but then I took a second look at the dhampir's face. He was angry. And worried. And most of all, he was scared.

"Adrian! Adrian! Helloooo", He shook me over and over again.

"Yeah yeah, I'm back.", I felt a throbbing pain on my arms. "What happened?", I was curious. What had I done under my fit of insanity?

"Well, you tried to kill yourself, that's what happened.", Eddie looked at me for a second, as if insuring that I was really back, before he slowly released my arms.

"Wait, what?", I had done some crazy things before, but never anything like this.

"You were sitting on the bed until you all of a sudden walked straight into the bathroom, picked up a razor, and were on your way to cutting yourself in the wrist.", His guardian mode took over. He kept himself to facts, as a sort of defense mechanism. This wasn't a pleasant situation, he didn't want to feel anymore than necessary, and I understood him.

"Holy shit. I don't remember a thing.", I said truthfully. "Did I say something?"

"You kept muttering 'Everyone is dead' and 'I'm coming Sage' over and over again.", Eddie sighed and sat down.

"I did? Fuck. This is not good.", I also sat down, tired all of a sudden.

"Yeah you did. It was really scary.", Eddie looked up at the ceiling and I stared straight forward.

"I'm sorry Eddie. I'm sorry that you had to see that. I'm sorry that I scared you. I'm just, I'm sorry.", I couldn't say it enough. I was broken inside. I never wanted anyone to see me like this. Ever.

"It's okay, I mean, you scared me half to death, but you didn't mean it. It isn't your fault.", His voice was barely above a whisper and he sighed once again.

"Yeah, I guess. But still, I'm sorry.", I sighed.

"Don't be sorry.", He simply said and got his laptop once again. "You couldn't help it.", He started writing and searching and I felt a strange feeling of relief in my chest. This kind of talk to Castile wasn't anything I was used to. It felt weird, but strangely good. I think I needed this kind of talk. The kind of talk where you forget about everything except the point you need to get across. You forget about all the trivial things, like the gender and age of the person you're talking to, but also you forget about all past experiences with this person. You're just talking because you need to, and you want to. It's that kind of talk when there is no room for lies, no room for hiding the truth. The kind of talk when you just pour out your heart because you need to. The best kind of talks.

* * *

Everything seemed hopeless. We hadn't found anything even remotely plausible that could've happened to Sage. Not a single piece of information. Nothing. We were lost. We didn't know what to do anymore. At one point, I gave up and told Castile that we should just go back to court. It was no use to even try anymore. He had told me to get myself together. He had said that we was not leaving until we got her back. I accepted his decision, but inside, I still felt like it wasn't worth our time anymore. I had finally given up. I had finally realized that it was hopeless. I was five months later than the rest of my friends, but at last I had came to the conclusion that it wasn't worth it anymore. If I couldn't get my Sage back, then I didn't want anything at all. I didn't crave booze or cigarettes anymore. I didn't crave art. I didn't even crave Sage. I was numb. I was nothing. My life had no purpose anymore. I just wanted everything to be over, and I wanted it to be over fast. There was no point in clinging on to my last piece of hope and love anymore since it was starting to slip out of my fingers. The love that had burned so strong inside of me felt cold. Since I knew I wasn't going to get her back, I kind of put my love behind a locked door and hid the key. I didn't want to feel it. I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to be in love anymore. I wanted to forget. I wanted her to come back. But most of all, I wanted to disappear. Life wasn't worth living anymore and it scared me. It scared me that I had lost my purpose. It scared me that I had lost my drive. It scared me that I had lost the will to live. After a few days where I was basically just lying under a blanket on my bed and feeling miserable, Eddie forced me to go out. And out I went. I went and tried to soak up some of people's happiness. I tried to steal a bit of their joy towards life. But nothing worked. I sat for hours, just studying people's auras and admiring the pretty colors, but I still didn't want to exist. I was so scared.

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_A/N: I'm starting school again tomorrow but I will try to update at the same speed I have always done, and if I don't, it's because I'm buried in homework. I'm still planning on getting all the chapters out before The Indigo Spell though. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter!_


	10. Panic is the least you should feel

My existential crisis had a tight grip on me for the next few hours. I didn't want to _be _no more. I didn't want to exist in this world that was filled with suffering and injustice. I just wanted to vanish from everything. Too bad that reality always had a way of coming crashing down on me and everything around me. I had spent the last day lying in the same spot in my bed, just staring. I was in a deep crisis, both emotionally and in my mind. When I finally felt the depressing thoughts release their grip on me, the door got kicked in. It wasn't just a lame kick that made the door fling open, no, this kick sent the door flying straight across the room and crashing against the wall. It was a kick so strong, that I was surprised when it was a tiny looking woman standing in the doorway. She had long dark hair and was dressed in a black dress and matching black shoes. Her color scheme kind of reminded me of Morticia Addams. Other than that, I could see a striking resemblance to none other than Ms Terwilliger, Sage's teacher back in Palm Springs. This couldn't be a coincidence. Of course Eddie was out, just my luck to be alone when some weird goth chick breaks in through my door, so I had to quickly think of a plan of action so I wouldn't get killed. The Morticia look-a-like walked in with another woman behind her. The other woman was almost the opposite of the first woman, with blonde hair and bright blue eyes, she was like a bright sun next to Morticia. The second woman wore a dark brown dress and she seemed like she was the sidekick here.

"Why the hell did you kick in my door?!", I decided that in case of danger, always act like an asshole.

"Funny.", The Morticia-looking lady said and then she made a gesture to the other woman who quickly raised her hands and _chanted some kind of spell. _Since my senses were off as it was, this completely caught me off guard. _What the hell was she doing? _Was she a witch or something? I didn't know how to act, and before I knew it, my knees gave in and I sunk to the floor. She started chanting some other spell by then and it freaked me out. I tried fighting whatever she was doing, but it was impossible. It seemed as if the first spell thingy had trapped me or something. I just sat hopelessly on my knees until she said the last word of the last spell thingy or whatever, and I blacked out.

When I woke up, I was blindfolded. I was apparently sitting in some kind of car since I could feel the bumps on the road we went over, and I could hear the faint roar of an engine. I was sitting on the floor somehow and my hands were tied behind my back. Unfortunately, my feet were also tied. No escaping here. We were on the road for quite a while, and if I hadn't been so freaked that they could do _magic _I would've pulled out my witty self and sung or something. But I didn't. Instead, I sat silent. Who were they and why did they feel the need to kidnap me? What was even going on here? I could hear a faint conversation, but it was so muted that I couldn't even make out a single word. The car shortly pulled to a stop and I could hear doors being opened and slammed shut. Then I heard a sliding door being opened. Great, I was in a freaking van. On the floor. Great. They dragged me out and carried me for a while before I was sat down on the floor and my blindfold was ripped off. Before me stood the women once again, but this time, they smiled. It looked creepy and made my skin crawl. I was in what looked like a basement, narrow windows placed up by the ceiling and you could faintly make out some grass outside. I was sitting in the middle of a sort of cell, which, at the moment, had its door wide open. Apparently because I was tied up and both of the women was present.

"Hello there moroi.", The Morticia look-a-like said. "I'm Evelyn. This is Laura.", she gestured to the blonde woman who waved. "And from what I've heard, you're the noted Adrian Ivashkov.", She looked at me expectantly.

"Pleasure to meet you Evelyn.", I decided that charm was my best offense at the moment. "Tell me, you remind me of someone. Could it be that you're Jaclyn's sister?", I smiled. If given the chance, I would definitely use my spirit mojo the get out of this hole.

"My my, so you've met my little sister?", She looked pleasantly surprised. "She's such a wimp you know. Not at all an opportunist like myself.", She smiled. What did that even mean?

"I think your sister is lovely.", I stated and flashed a smile of my own. She didn't seem to care one bit what I thought of Jaclyn. She just made a gesture and Laura immediately went upstairs. Now it was just me and Evelyn.

"I have one little quick question for you Evelyn.", I smiled once again.

"Sure, What do you want to know vampire?", She raised an eyebrow.

"Why did you even kidnap me? What have I done?", Why not crave answers from your kidnapper? Apparently that was how I rolled.

"You'll see, the reason is coming down that stair as we speak.", She pointed towards the stairs on the other side of the room just when a pair of feet made themselves visible on the steps. Down the stairs came Sage, or maybe I should start saying Andrews, looking nervous and kind of sad. She kept biting her lip. She stood beside Evelyn and made a kind of bow in front of her. Evelyn bowed back and then they both faced me. Sydney's eyes darted all over me, as if checking if I was okay, before Evelyn started talking.

"My child, do you know this moroi?", She spoke with a clear and powerful voice, as if she were royalty.

"I can't say I do ma'am. He has been hanging around the coffee shop, but we have never interacted.", She spoke calmly but when she looked at me, I could see the panic in her eyes. She was trying to save my ass.

"Do not lie to me Sydney. We have been watching you closely since we found out this vampire would be in town. Tell me the truth.", She was pissed off now, for sure. I couldn't help but step in.

"Um, excuse me?", I raised my tied hands like I was in a classroom and Evelyn nodded at me to speak. I cleared my throat before putting my charm on max. "I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, but, if you have been watching me and seen whether or not we have been talking, does it even matter what she says then?", This earned me a panicked look from Sydney and a amused one from Evelyn.

"Smart boy, our organization builds on trust, so if someone isn't telling the truth, it can have severe consequences.", Evelyn stated, still amused. Sydney sighed.

"Okay, yes, we have been talking. But he is totally mental. He thinks I'm some other person and what not.", Sydney seemed sad that she had to admit that and under Evelyn's cool smile and calm exterior, I could see the panic flash. All her warning lights were flashing in her mind, I could see it.

"You do know we can't tolerate that, right Sydney?", Evelyn said, with a faked smile to hide her panic. Too bad for her that I was a master at spotting fake.

"Yes, I know.", Sydney muttered and looked down at the floor.

"And I surely hope that you are aware that his interactions with you will have consequences.", She seemed so cool and calm and nice, except for the fact that her aura was the nastiest thing I had ever seen. It just screamed evil and selfishness.

"I am aware.", Suddenly, Sydney seemed scared. And sad. So very very sad.

"Good. Go fetch Laura.", Evelyn was staring at me now. Sydney bowed once again and went up the stairs. As soon as she was out of hearing range, Evelyn spoke to me.

"No matter what we choose to do to you, you will suffer.", Her voice felt like ice. It sent chills all over my body and my mind instinctively started looking for a way out. I was not looking forward to what she had in store for me. Soon after that, I heard steps coming down the stairs and Laura and Sydney were back. They both bowed in front of Evelyn and then looked at me.

"Let's discuss the faith of this little moroi boy, shall we?", Evelyn spoke. Both Laura and Sydney said a loud and clear 'Yes' in unison before Evelyn picked up the word again.

"We will of course have to keep in mind that this happens to be a _royal _moroi, so we can't kill him unfortunately.", She sounded disgusted when talking about my royal status, and disappointed when she told them they couldn't kill me. Awesome. Now Laura took over.

"We _could _kill him, if we made it look like a strigoi attack. Or an accident.", Why were these women so diabolical? They scared me.

"Good thinking Laura, but that will attract a lot of attention, wouldn't it? It would be crawling with those creatures here after a murder. They would investigate, and maybe find us.", She looked straight at Laura with a kind of disappointed look on her face and Laura looked down on the floor, as if ashamed.

"Yes, Evelyn. You are right. Forgive me.", Laura sounded scared too. Evelyn seemed to be the real bitch here.

"Well, you are forgiven Laura. Now, Sydney, what do you suggest?", She looked straight at the blonde girl who looked at me with the saddest and most scared look yet.

"I think we should sweep him.", She now plastered on a neutral look, like she didn't care what happened to me. Lucky for me, I could see her aura and I could see that she was really genuinely worried. This was apparently not part of her plan.

"Good thinking Sydney, but that would take a lot of effort. You know how exhausting it is to sweep someone. It requires a lot of strength.", Evelyn sighed, looking tired just thinking about 'sweeping' someone. What the hell did that even mean? "I will keep both of your suggestions in mind until tomorrow, by then I will have made a decision.", Evelyn spoke loud and clear and held her head high, like she was royalty. She walked over to my cell and locked the door and during that, Sydney made her hair fall forward so that it covered the part of her face that the other women could see, and mouthed a 'I'm sorry', before following the other two up the stairs. I was left alone with my thoughts in my prison cell. I never would have thought that I would ever sit in an actual _prison cell. _Sure, I had been in a lot of trouble, but I never thought I would end up in a kind of prison. I was better than that. I started looking around me, trying to find someplace where I could cut up my ropes or call for help or anything, but I couldn't find anything. Besides from the cell and the stairs, the room also had three book shelves on the wall furthest from me, and a big table by the shelves where a lot of herbs and things like that were stood. _Witches. _This was a surprise. If I had been kidnapped by strigoi or the warriors, I would have understood, but _witches, _How often did that even happen? Nobody even knew they existed, and I had only once actually visited a witch and spoken to her; That time when me and Sage were at Jaclyn's house. She was at least nice. Not like these monsters. But of course I would waltz right into their death grip, so typically me. I was almost perplexed by my own stupidity. I should have just gone home after finding Sage. I _knew _it wasn't her, and still I held on. I held on and refused to let go, even when she straight out told me that she didn't know anything at all about Sage and the wonderful person she were. Stupid Adrian.

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_A/N: Lucky for you, my new schedule includes a morning where I can sleep in, which means that I can stay up late the night before, after my homework is done and write. So, I will most likely be able to post the last few chapters pretty soon!_

_I have one question though, From the way the story is unfolding right now (I always write a few chapters ahead so I'm on chapter 13 now) it seems like this story had great potential to either continue for a few chapters longer, or have a sequel. If you could decide, what would you prefer? More chapters or a sequel? Thanks a lot for reading, you are all awesome!_


	11. Nightmare

The night passed and I was grateful that I had been at the feeder recently, or else I would have been feeling much worse than I already was. I didn't get much sleep that night. Evelyn had come down and untied both my hands and feet, but it still didn't change the fact that all I had to sleep on was a concrete floor. That was all my cell was. It had bars from floor to ceiling, a concrete floor and, luckily enough, a small toilet in one corner. Lucky me that had the essentials. I also couldn't sleep since my mind wandered. I started with thinking about what Eddie was doing now. He was surely looking for me, or at least I hoped so, and hopefully he was close. I didn't want to get 'taken care of' by these witches. I wanted to throw Sage over my shoulder and run screaming out of this hellhole. I hadn't planned for this. When I came to San Francisco, I had planned on finding Sage and see if she was here by free will or not. If not, I would have taken her home to court with me and become her hero. Sadly, the situation had of course been more complicated than expected. I was not ready for this whole memory loss thing, and the witches. They were like horrible little surprises that nobody wanted. I was angry and sad and worried and just felt depressed. Everything sucked. In the morning, when the sun started rising, I could hear someone coming down the stairs. I quickly sat up and pressed myself to the wall furthest from the door. I didn't trust these witches. Down came Sage, carrying a plastic tray with some kind of sandwich on it and a bottle of water. Breakfast I guessed.

"Well hi there girl-who-led-me-to-my-doom.", I said joyfully. I was angry at her. Why didn't she tell me? They obviously knew all about me, she could at least have told me that her 'friends' or whatever were dangerous. Sage only nodded as a greeting and then placed the tray on the floor and slid it in through a narrow opening in the cell bars. I looked at the food, but I didn't dare eating it. The witches had prepared it. I didn't trust them.

"I don't even get a recognition? You're not even gonna call me Crazy guy or say you're sorry or anything?", I looked straight at her but she avoided me. She was starting to go back towards the stairs. I wanted her company. It wasn't fun being alone in a basement without anything at all to entertain myself with. She hesitated in her step for a second and turned to face me. She opened her mouth as if she wanted to say something but then closed it again and almost ran back up the stairs. So much for company. I returned to my thoughts and fought against the darkness once again. Now was the worst possible time to get consumed by craziness. Somehow, the shadows sneaked up on me and caught me off guard, and I was plunged into another dream, or was it reality?

It started with a single feeling. I felt tired. My eyelids were close and I was in a soft cocoon of warmth and darkness. It was relaxing and nice, but something bothered me. I didn't know why, but I felt that I had to open my eyes. Something important was waiting on me. I forced my eyes open, it was really hard actually, and was met by the sun shining in through my window. I was back in Palm Springs. I was back in my bed. I found my phone and looked at the date. It was three days after Sage's disappearance. It was late in the afternoon, and if I remembered correctly, Eddie and the others would soon come over to tell me the news that they hadn't found her. They would come here, with sadness as their only emotion, and tell me my soul mate would probably never be found. They would tell me that the alchemists had searched every corner and followed every trail but returned with disappointment and defeat. I would receive the worst news of my life all over again. I was not looking forward to it. I went out in the apartment and took a look around. Yep, everything was the same. The room was filled with paintings that was painted with black brush strokes like the darkness that sadness and worry could bring, but they were also filled with the golden streaks that represented my golden-girl. All the paintings were filled with emotion and most of them still took my breath away. I stood there in the room for a while, admiring my paintings and being torn. Was this a dream? I didn't know and it scared me. Like the last time I found myself back in Palm Springs, my phone rang and startled me. The display showed Jill's name so I hurried up and answered.

"Hello?", I was still a bit skeptical as to whether this was real or not.

"Hi Adrian, we're almost at your place now. Do you want us to bring something?", Jill's voice were tired and filled with concern. So it had happened. She had disappeared.

"Um, no. At least I don't think so.", I said mirroring the tired tone in her voice.

"How are you holding up?", She whispered. She was probably in the car with the rest of the gang, and they didn't know about me and Sage.

"I'm okay. Kind of tired, and worried of course.", I said. It was the truth.

"Yeah, I can feel it.", She muttered. "Well, anyway, see you soon!", She continued with energy.

"Okay, yeah, see you.", I muttered back.

"Bye Adrian."

"Bye.", We hung up and and looked around the room once more. Then, all of a sudden, I was plunged back to the reality in my cell.

I sat up straight. I was back behind the bars on the concrete floor. I was back in captivity. It had been another dream. Or? Nothing was certain anymore. Once again, I was scared. Scared of myself and the shadows that always seemed to take over my thoughts and my actions. It was a terrifying feeling, to feel like something was slowly eating your mind. Suddenly, I heard steps coming down the stairs During my maybe-dream the room had grew darker, so I guessed it was afternoon by now. Sydney entered the room carrying a new tray. Apparently they wanted me well-fed and alive before they killed me. How considerate. She placed the new tray on the ground before picking up the old one, which I hadn't even touched, and then slid in the new tray that held some kind of soup, and a new bottle of water. I was actually hungry. But I still didn't trust these witches and their cooking. For all I knew, there could be frog-eyes in the soup or whatever. She started cleaning around the table and doing different things that looked like chores. All the time, she was biting her lips as if she were nervous.

"Got something on your chest?", I asked and raised my eyebrows questioning. She hesitated for a second before opening her mouth and then closing it again. Her hands shook a bit, whether it was because she was scared or nervous, I didn't know.

"Come on witch-girl, You don't have all day like me.", I stared right at her but she avoided my gaze and kept cleaning and looking at bottles and doing different tasks. "Something tells me that you're working on a pressured schedule here.", I hummed softly to myself and she looked at me for a second. She then muttered something to herself that sounded like scolding and then returned to her chores.

"So, are you good at magic? The Sydney I remember was terrified of it.", I decided that I was gonna crack her, somehow. Talking was one of my best skills after all. "I tried healing her once but she screamed and threw a fit just because it was magic.", I kept talking. She twitched a bit when I talked about healing, but other than that, she kept doing what she was doing.

"I drew her in to a spirit dream once too, she didn't realize it at first, but when she understood that she was surrounded by magic, she tried to keep herself from touching anything and she wanted me to end the dream as soon as possible.", She was now staring at me with big round eyes.

"Didn't you know that my affinity is spirit?", I asked innocently. This time, I got a reaction. She slowly shook her head confirming my question.

"I thought you did. You seem to keep close tabs on us moroi. You knew I was royal for example.", I said. She shook her head once more and started moving closer before stopping in her tracks and turning around. She resumed her earlier task of cleaning some empty bottles and I felt defeated. I had been _this _close to get her to talk to me. Stupid disciplined Sydney. Some alchemist training never seemed to leave.

"Well, okay. One question, have Evelyn told you about her sister?", I prayed that she hadn't. Maybe hearing Ms Terwilliger's name would spark something inside Sydney. She slowly turned her head towards me and shook it as a 'no'. Awesome.

"Well, you wouldn't remember this, but she was your teacher in Palm Springs. She is also a witch, and you had individual studies with her since you were bad ass.", I spoke calmly while Sydney's eyes turned huge in shock once again. Something behind the gray cloak on her aura tried breaking loose.

"Her name is Jaclyn Terwilliger. She's quite nice actually, has a lot of cats. We visited her once when our friend, Sonya Karp, was missing. You used some kind of spell, I guess, to find her. You were awesome.", Something behind the cloak was fighting to be free. The tear in the fabric grew a tiny bit bigger but I still saw that something was gong on under there. Maybe I was reaching through to her. Sydney walked over to me and stood in front of me. She opened her mouth once again but hesitated and closed it.

"Come on, I can see that you're dying to say something.", I walked up to the bars and leaned against them, putting myself closer to her. "Take a walk on the wild side Sydney, maybe it's not as bad as you think.", I challenged. She looked like she made a decision and then she spoke to me for the first time in a long while.

"I'm not allowed to talk to you.", Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"It's okay, I won't tell.", I whispered back. That put a smile on her face. A rare smile. A smile filled with the purest admiration and amusement. It was beautiful.

"I never wanted you to end up like this you know.", She muttered. "This is all my fault. I knew they were watching my every move, I knew that you were moroi. This was bound to end bad.", She seemed disappointed in herself. I never wanted my Sage to feel like that. It didn't matter if she didn't remember that she was my Sage, She should never feel like she disliked herself.

"Don't beat yourself up about this. It's my fault. I was the one that looked after you, I was the one that first took contact. My fault and my punishment.", I said, voice filled with regret. By doing all this, I had put her in trouble. I deserved whatever I was getting.

"No, it _is _my fault. If I am the one you say I am, then I am the reason we both ended up here. If I am this 'Sage' then I apparently didn't fight much when they took me.", She looked straight at me, not wavering one bit. It seemed like she had spent a lot of thought on this.

"No offense, but you were never a fighting person. To be honest, you kind of sucked at self defense.", She looked offended, but amused. "You were more the logical and smart girl, who could speak a lot of languages and knew everything about cars.", I said truthfully. Something sparked in the aura once again. She gasped.

"Have you ever told me that I can change tires on a car in ten minutes while speaking Greek?", she suddenly blurted out before clasping her hands to her mouth in surprise. She looked like Jill when she did that.

"If I remember correctly, you told me you could do it in five minutes rather than ten.", I smiled. More progress. It felt good. Too bad I would probably be dead before she broke through entirely.

"So it was real? I didn't imagine that conversation?", She asked, eyes wide once again.

"It was as real as your tattoo.", I simply stated and sat down on the floor. She smiled before we both heard a distant 'She should be done down there by now, I hope for her own good that she isn't talking to the vampire.' and Sydney looked panicked. She started backing towards the stairs.

"I'm sorry for whatever they will do to you, remember that.", She simply said before hurrying back upstairs.

"I promise.", I whispered and closed my eyes. This was taking a toll on my feelings. The hope that came and went left me tired and beaten up inside.

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_A/N: I have decided to just keep on writing and see how far this story will take me. If it doesn't become that many more chapters, I will probably not make a sequel, but we'll see! And again, thank you to everyone who reads and reviews and follows this story, it makes me happy to know that there are people out there in the world who appreciates my work!_


	12. Run as fast as you can

_A/N: This chapter is actually a bit longer than the others I've written, I hope you'll like it!_

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I spent the whole night down there in the basement. I didn't touch the food, it seemed too risky, but I drank the water at least. I could feel that I was in great need of blood by now, I was constantly tired and I felt weak. I was also sure that I had black rings under my eyes. Man, this sucked. I had never had any hope that Eddie would find me, they were witches after all, Eddie didn't even know they existed. I was on my own and I was ready to accept the punishment they sent my direction. No need to fight it, it would only hurt me more in my fragile state, so when Evelyn came down the next morning with Laura and Sydney close behind her, I smiled. I was ready. I welcomed death or whatever they had in preparation for me. I was done with my harsh life. I only ever got punished and shot down whatever I did.

"Want to know what we're going to do to you?", Evelyn said with one eyebrow raised. I decided to tell the truth.

"Honestly, I couldn't care less. My life was pretty much over when you took me.", I smiled. My confession made Sydney flinch but since she stood a bit behind the others, nobody but me noticed.

"Well, we were going to kill you, but since you just pretty much told me you hate your life, I've decided to sweep you instead.", She smirked. I didn't even know what 'sweeping' was but I didn't have any opportunity to ask. Before I knew what was going on, I was dragged out of the cell and sat in a chair. They tied my hands and feet to the chair and then Evelyn barked out some orders to Sydney and Laura. They started fetching different books and things and placed them on the large table in front of me. Sydney seemed a bit hesitant in everything she did, like she hadn't made up her mind about something. Something behind the gray cloak was twisting and turning, trying to break free. I got a bad vibe from this. Evelyn started muttering something under her breath with her eyes closed while Laura mixed different herbs and stuff together. I was starting to feel uneasy. What were they doing?

"Hey, quick question, what does 'swiping' mean?", I said, pretty loud so everyone would hear. Laura shot an angry glance at me.

"Sydney, tape his mouth! He's distracting Evelyn.", She spoke and tossed a roll of duct tape to Sydney. She took it hesitantly and then went over to me when she got a look from Laura herself. She ripped of a piece of tape. She looked me in the eyes and mouthed 'I'm sorry' and right before she taped my mouth shut, I mouthed 'It's okay' to calm her down. She was not approving of whatever 'swiping' was, that was for sure. I sat there, helpless, while Evelyn kept chanting something, growing louder and louder in volume. When Laura was done mixing, she came over to me and put some of the mixture in streaks across my face, and even in my hair! I hated her more for destroying my hair than ordering someone to tape my mouth. My hair was my baby. After completely destroying my hair, Laura went over to Evelyn and offered the bowl to her. Evelyn took some of the mixture and painted some kind of complex pattern on her arms and hands. Meanwhile, Sydney stood by the stairs, her forehead wrinkled as if she was deep in thought, and she looked lost. The chaos under her cloak was still going strong and while I watched, It managed to tear the cloak a bit more so the hole grew bigger. Her aura flooded through the still pretty small hole, like the sun through some rain clouds. She looked at me then, with that same spark of recognition as before, and I just knew that she had remembered something from Palm Springs. I didn't know what it was, but clearly, it helped her make up her mind. Right when Evelyn seemed to be on the peak of the spell, and ready to cast it, Sydney stepped in. She threw some kind of spell on Evelyn, that made the older woman fall to the ground and stop her chanting. My face was pure shock and I saw Laura freeze in her steps and then pull it together and throw some other spell on Sydney which made her fly across the room and crash against the opposite wall. Meanwhile, Evelyn had gotten to her feet once again and was now staring at Sydney who was holding her head and seemed to be a bit dizzy.

"And WHAT do you think you're doing?!", Evelyn was furious. Apparently, it wasn't a good idea to go against her. I then became worried for Sydney. What was she thinking? She could get killed.

"I'm doing what feels right.", Sydney simply stated and then threw a spell on both Evelyn and Laura which left them fumbling in front of them as if they were blind. Sydney was soon by my side and started pulling at the ropes that pinned me to the chair. The last time I saw this side of her, I had been the one saving her. Now it was the opposite. Or was it? Maybe I had saved her in a sense, when I found her and helped her remember herself. I saved her mind. Evelyn was by this point extremely pissed over the fact that the couldn't see.

"SYDNEY! You stop it right now! I'm gonna swipe you too as soon as this wears off, I PROMISE, YOU WILL FORGET EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM!", She screamed and started casting spells randomly out in the room. She hit some furniture and Sydney had to duck for one, but soon she had untied me. Right then, their blindness ended and both of the women focused their eyes on us. I saw Sydney's face turn white in fear and she started tugging me towards the stairs. I was so weak from the lack of blood that I fell over and Evelyn pinned me to a wall with her powers. Sydney was angry by this point, her aura under the cloak glowed in rage. It was almost scary to watch.

"LET HIM GO!", She shouted before casting a spell that Evelyn easily dodged. Sydney wasn't thinking anymore, she was fueled by anger.

"Never. I'm gonna swipe him and then I'm gonna swipe you and make you an obedient little witch again. I have done it once before, I can do it again.", Evelyn hissed. Sydney froze in her tracks. Something that she just heard from the other woman made the cloak disappear completely. The whole room was flooded with her marvelous yellow aura and she looked stunned for a second. She blinked hard and looked straight at me. Tears started streaming down her face and she seemed hesitant to use any kind of spell. Oh, my Sage who was afraid of magic was back. It was really her. I was relieved. At last, I had broke through. At last, she was back. She soon put on a neutral face and threw Laura so hard against a wall that she passed out. Apparently Sage had become a much more fierce person from this experience. Evelyn laughed.

"So you think you can take me just because you knocked out Laura? Please. She wasn't half as strong as me.", She looked triumphant. Sage just looked angry. Evelyn made the next move. She gave revenge for the blindness spell and turned my golden-girl blind. Sage growled and fumbled in front of her, but soon calmed down and seemed to focus on locating Evelyn only by sound. The older witch started chanting the same thing as before when they were going to swipe me, and the pattern on her arms started glowing. I could feel the pattern on my face getting hot and I started panicking. What was happening? The next thing I knew, Sage was throwing her own body against Evelyn and I fell to the ground. Everything turned black.

* * *

Where was I? Why was my mouth taped over? My head hurt and when I opened my eyes, I was in some kind of basement, and close to me was two women wrestling. It would have been a dream scenario if it wasn't for the fact that I had no clue where I was, how I got here or who they were. The last thing I remembered was being at court and bringing back Jill to life. How did I end up in a _basement? _I ripped the tape of my mouth and stared at the two women. Now they looked like they were _casting spells._ I was freaking out. Was witches real? Had I just woke up in the middle of a fight between two _witches? _Lucky for me, I was an open-minded person. Sure, I was surprised that witches existed, but I just figured why not?It wasn't that bizarre that some humans had learned how to wield magic. I mean, we moroi did it, who was to say that some humans hadn't learned by studying them? Suddenly, one of the witches, who looked a bit like Morticia Addams by the way, was flung against a wall and passed out. The other witch looked at me. I recognized her, the tattoo on her cheek said that she was an alchemist. I could feel that I knew her name. Stella? Sandra? God, what was it? She had helped Rose, of that I was certain. Why didn't I feel hurt when I thought of Rose? Last time I checked, I was still a sulking mess.

"Come on Adrian, that should keep them down for a while, but we have to leave before they wake up.", She walked over to some stairs that were in the room. When I didn't say anything or follow her, she halted and turned to look at me.

"Adrian, are you alright?", She asked and both her face and her yellow aura showed worry. I suddenly remembered, Sydney Sage! Just thinking about her name made me sad. I didn't know why. I just felt heartbroken.

"No, I'm fine.", I said and started walking after her. She looked at me weirdly for a second and then resumed walking up the stairs and then she guided me through a big house that was decorated like something from the seventeenth century. It was all old furniture and creepy paintings of dead people. It was quite depressing actually. She told me to wait by the front door while she went to another room fairly close to me. She came out two minutes later with a backpacked filled with stuff. Well okay. Why were we even here?

"Let's go.", She said and waked out the front door out onto a big porch. We were in a normal neighborhood, and that scared me. That whole fight had been going on in there and nobody had noticed a thing. My companion went over to a gray car and hopped in on the driver's side. I sat in the passenger seat and then she started interrogating me while driving down the street.

"You must have brought back-up here, who did you bring? Eddie, Angeline? Where did you stay? Some hotel?", She glanced at me for a quick second before returning her gaze to the road. I opened my mouth and tried to remember what she was talking about but my mind drew blank.

"Sorry for asking, but where are we exactly?", I decided that that was a good way to phrase it.

"We're just outside of San Francisco, it shouldn't take more than ten minutes to go there.", She answered matter of factly. Why was I in San Francisco?

"Okay..", I mumbled.

"Well, who did you bring? Where are you guys staying?", She pressed. You could tell that she was an alchemist, with that business like attitude. I tried once again to find an answer to her questions but since I didn't even know how I got here, I remembered nothing. It was scary. I could remember everything as clear as day up until one point where everything just faded and eventually turned black.

"I, I don't know.", I confessed at last. She almost drove off the road in her surprise.

"Wait, what? What is the last thing you remember?", I could hear on her voice that she was panicked and shocked. And with a quick look on her aura, I could see that there was some hidden feelings in there to. Sadness being one of them.

"The last thing I remember is that Jill got hurt at court.", I was careful not to say that I had brought her back to life. That was a secret. This time, she had to drive to the side of the road and stop the car. She almost hyper-ventilated.

"Are you sure that that's the last thing you remember? You're not joking?", She asked while staring at me with wide eyes.

"I'm absolutely sure. Even though it feels like I have a big black hole in my mind after that.", I spoke. Now she looked even more terrified.

"This is not good.", She muttered. "Do you have your cell phone?", She asked. I felt my pockets and fished out a phone. I showed it to her in triumph. "Good, now, call Jill for me.", She said. Why did she want to talk to Jill? When I unlocked the screen, I could see that I had forty-nine missed calls from Castile, Jill and Rose, along with thirty unread text-messages. What had happened to me? I quickly pulled up Jill's number and when it started ringing, I gave the phone to Sage. Jill seemed to pick up almost immediately.

"Hi Jill", Sage said into the phone. There was a pause and then I could hear something that sounded like squealing and screaming on the other end. What was going on here?

"Yes, it's really me.", She paused again. "No, I had my mind tampered with-", she was interrupted by what sounded like a frantic Jill.

"Yes- Yes I'm okay. But you know about Adrian, right?", She asked. This time, all I heard from Jill's side was a murmur. "I will fix this.", Sage said, face filled with determination. "Do you know who he brought with him here?", She asked. I could hear Jill answer and then Sage talked again. "Well okay, where did they stay?", She waited while Jill seemed to think. "Okay- Yeah okay, we'll go there now. Thank you Jill, I'll see you soon, alright?", Sage smiled into the phone. Wasn't alchemists supposed to be disgusted by us?

"Bye Jill.", Sage handed the phone to me. "She wants to talk to you.", She simply said before starting the engine and driving towards San Francisco once again.

"Well hello there Jailbat, how's life?", I tried to joke away the spooky feeling I had. Something felt off.

"Adrian, I'm more interested in your life. You're in a lot of trouble this time you know.", She said with her sweet little voice. Oh Jailbat, I was so glad she was alive.

"I am? Strange, I don't remember doing anything to put me in trouble lately.", I said nonchalantly.

"Yes you are. I'm so sorry for what have happened to you.", She sounded sad. What was with everybody today? They all acted like their favorite hamster had died.

"What exactly happened to me? I feel fine, I don't understand why everyone is freaking out.", I said truthfully. Why did Sage look strangely at me every other second? Why was Jill sad for? What was going on?

"I'll leave it to Sydney to tell you, it feels weird doing it over the phone.", She muttered and something hit me.

"How's it going on court? Have they decided if they're sending us away?", Last time I had heard something, they were talking about sending me, Jill and someone else to a safer location until the law that allowed a royal to reign without having to have another living relative passed.

"Oh Adrian. That was nine months ago.", She said, with her sweetest, most gentle voice. I was shocked. Nine months_. Nine months? _How could I have forgotten _nine months? _What had happened to me?

"Come again?", Was all I managed to say to Jill, while blinking hard. How the fuck did this happen?

"The law passed five months ago and we were put in Palm Springs nine months ago.", She repeated, slowly and carefully, like she didn't want to break me.

"Nine months is an eternity. How can I not remember an eternity?", I was panicked to say the least. all my mind could manage to think was 'How?'.

"I'll let Sydney explain the situation, calm down Adrian. We will fix this. I promise.", She sounded so comforting.

"O-okay.", I drew a deep breath. I could handle this. I hoped. "Okay. I'll calm down. We'll fix this. Okay.", I started breathing deep and soon it felt better. The panic faded a bit and I could think again.

"Good Adrian. I'll see you soon, okay? You're safe with Sydney, she was in Palm Springs with us.", She talked to me like I was a toddler or a mental patient.

"Okay. Bye Jailbat.", I said, trying to sound calm and normal.

"Bye Adrian.", We hung up and Sage parked by a hotel.

"We're here.", was all she said before exiting the car and gesturing for me to follow.


	13. I'm out of touch, I'm out of love

We walked in to a pretty small hotel lobby and was greeted by Eddie. He looked spooked for a second before a huge smile appeared on his face and he hugged the alchemist tight. She hugged back, which surprised me. Why was she so open to us? Wasn't she supposed to be distant like she was last time? Back then, she had been all business, not personal like this. They stopped hugging and Eddie looked over at me.

"Is it true that he..?", He asked and Sage nodded. Eddie looked worried at that, and a bit scared. I felt uncomfortable. If they were telling the truth about my memory loss, they probably knew more about me than I did myself at the moment. They probably remembered a lot of strange things that I had done these past nine months, and it felt weird. It felt like they had private jokes that I wasn't in on.

"Come on, I packed all our stuff, we can talk on the road.", Eddie said and led the way to a gorgeous yellow mustang. When Sage saw it, she squealed and looked at me with big eyes.

"You kept it.", She said, still looking at me. She went over to the hood and caressed it.

"Is this.., mine?", I asked. How on earth did I afford this?

"Yes it is, you bought it while in Palm Springs.", Castile said dangling the keys. "Who's driving?", He asked and looked at me. Sage looked at me with a pleading look and I nodded.

"You can drive it Sage. I don't really care.", I shrugged. She seemed to lighten up at that and she snatched the keys from Eddie who then got seated in the back. I guess I was riding shotgun. I got in the car and we started driving.

"Where are we even going?", I asked. Nobody had told me.

"We're going to Palm Springs. We're gonna see if we can get your memories back.", Sage said next to me. Well okay. I could understand why they took me there of all places, since that seemed to be the place I had forgotten. I was to calm about this. I could feel it. I should have been downright hysteric by this point. I should have been rocking back and forth and I should have been suspicious against them. But strangely, I wasn't. Sure, I was a bit panicked and scared, but I trusted these people. I didn't know why I trusted Sage though, I had barely met her before, at least that's what I remembered. But I did. I trusted her with my life. It was a strange feeling, trusting someone you barely knew but who everybody told you you knew like the back of your hand. Since the car ride would take about seven hours, I decided that this was a good time to ask some questions.

"Except for the car, what else was new in my life during these nine months?", I directed it to both my companions but for some reason, I was hoping Sage would answer.

"Well, let's see..", Eddie started but Sage soon took over.

"You started art classes.", She smiled at me.

"I did?", That didn't seem like me. Firstly, where would I have gotten that idea, and secondly, I was the worst at taking responsibility ever.

"Yeah, but with a little help from me.", Sage said. "I had some connections with a teacher that helped, but it was you who wanted it in the first place.", She explained. I was surprised. That didn't seem like me at all.

"Really?", I said, with doubt seeping into my voice.

"Really.", Eddie said from behind me and Sage smiled.

"Wow. Did I have any hidden motive to do so?", I was partly serious, and partly joking.

"Actually, you did. You wanted financial aid so you could move out from Clarence's and get your own place.", She said and then looked at me for a quick second. "Maybe I should explain who Clarence is?"

"Yes please.", I said and nodded. "Actually, tell me everything about Palm Springs. What did we do there, how was it and so on.", I wanted so desperately to fill this black hole in my mind. And so they started. They told me about their cover story at the school, they told me about Lee and most importantly, they told me about the time Sonya was kidnapped by vampire hunters. When they told me about that night, and how I had helped Sage out, something fluttered in my chest. It was weak, but I could feel it. I didn't know what it was, maybe fear, maybe worry or maybe even joy that I got her out, but it was important somehow. Before I knew it, everything faded and I saw a quick shot of me opening my hand and looking at a necklace with a simple gold cross hanging from the chain. I didn't know if I had ever held it like that, and I didn't know who's it was, but I felt assurance in that picture. It felt comforting. The other two kept going through everything that had happened until they suddenly stopped and Sydney sighed.

"..And then I got kidnapped.", She said in a grim voice. "I remember everything now, afterward. They jumped me and cast a spell on me. And then they tampered with my mind.", She shook her head angrily. "I hate them for it.", She seemed out of place now. She wasn't the stiff alchemist I had seen before, and she wasn't the careful and thoughtful Sage I had seen in the past hours. She was something else, she was angry, something I had never seen her be, not that I could remember at least. Not like this. Her face darkened and she was consumed by anger, but all of a sudden, her whole aura and her face shifted, and she was smiling at me again. What had happened to her? How had they tampered with her mind?

"Remember anything?", She asked. Something felt wrong. She was weird. I just shook my head in a confused 'no'. I didn't remember anything, at least not anything of importance.

"Oh right, I meant to ask you Eddie, what happened to Latte? The keys were left in the ignition and everything, did you find it?", She shot a hopeful glance at Castile who smiled and pointed at me.

"Last time I heard anything, this guy had taken care of it. I even think he took care of most of your stuff from Amberwood.", I wrinkled my forehead. I wanted so badly to remember but it wasn't possible. Everything was just blank. Had I taken care of stuff that belonged to a girl I barely knew, without being told so? Why? I mean, don't get me wrong, she was pretty and all, with her sunshine aura and her eyes that turned to gold in the sun, but she wasn't my type. Why would I take care of her stuff? From what they told me, we were friends, but that was it. We were okay friends, at least that was what i could make out from their action packed story, but we weren't best friends or anything. Just friends. Suddenly an imagine flashed through my mind. I could see her standing by a station wagon, looking back over her shoulder at me. She looked sad. She looked confused. She got in her car and drove away. Then the image was gone, as soon as it had been there. My heart was breaking in my chest and I didn't know why. Why had that image torn me apart? Had something been going on between me and a _human? _And on top of that an alchemist? If that was the case, then I wanted to applaud me. I mean, being in love with a dhampir was kind of a shocker to my society, what would they say if it had been a human? No, I was smarter than to fall for a human with a golden lily on her cheek. I was smarter than to fall in love with a vampire hater. It was wrong on so many levels. I pushed all feelings I had in that moment aside and decided that I needed some more answers. I had some other questions that wouldn't leave me alone.

"What if the witches come after us. What will we do then?", We had just left them on the floor in the basement. They would probably try to find us and get Sydney back.

"We can fight them. I'm stronger than them, I know that, and we have Eddie.", Sage seemed confident. She looked like an alchemist in this exact moment but then she seemed to remember what she had just said. She had admitted to using magic, and admitted that she would use it again if they came back. The alchemist look on her face vanished and she looked miserable. I wanted to comfort her and say that everything was alright. I wanted to hug her and never let her go. I wanted to take her hand and kiss it. I fought all these urges though. I couldn't be in love with a _human. _I couldn't, I wouldn't. It was impossible. I stared out the window instead and for the first time during this whole car ride, I took my eyes of her. I hadn't even noticed that I had been staring at her face for almost an hour straight. I could barely believe it. What was going on with me?

"I just hope they won't find us. What if they decided to kill us?", I muttered.

"They won't find us. They're only two people and the don't know where we're going.", Eddie spoke from behind my back. I sighed. Something felt wrong. Something about the energy in the car was off. Something was blocking me. I looked over at Sage again and noticed something. At first, I saw that her aura had a pale streak of gray in the outskirts of it. Like a scar from the trauma she had just been put through, second, I noticed how her entire aura was a bit faded and weak. Something was up with her.

"Sage, do you have something on you that's blocking spirit?", I needed to know. Something was keeping the aura dimmed and hard to read. At that, she almost steered off the road. She parked the car at the side of the road and started feeling her pockets. After a minute or so, she pulled out bracelet made of silver and threw it out the window.

"What was that?", I asked at the same time as Eddie said; "What are you doing?". Sage just sighed and started driving again.

"It was a charmed bracelet. The witches tracked me with it in San Francisco and it kept me hidden from spirit dreams.", She shook her head. "I can't believe I forgot about it. Now they probably know where we're heading.", She seemed a bit scared at that.

"But you threw it out. They must see that and maybe they will think that we changed our plans and went to court instead?`", Eddie sounded doubting from the back seat. That wasn't like him. Nobody was as I remembered them.

"Let us hope so.", Sage muttered and kept on driving. I just wanted to remember by this point. They had grown so much since I remember last seeing them. They were different people. Different in a good way. I wanted so badly to remember everything they were talking about. I wanted so badly to be normal and not be a burden. I resorted to looking out the window and saw a gas station that had a sign announcing that they had slushes. That simple sign and the picture of a red cherry slush and a blue raspberry one, sent a picture to my mind, clear as day. I felt the heat of a burning sun, I saw the bright red slush in my hand, and I felt kind of happy. I didn't know when that had happened, but I was sure that it had. It felt too real to be made up in my mind. I could feel that someone was there in the picture with me, but the sun shone down on us and the only thing I saw through the strong light was that golden cross again, hanging from someone's neck and reflecting the sun. When I looked at that cross, I felt home.

* * *

_A/N: Sorry that it took a while to get this chapter up. I've had a lot of school work, and then I got a bit of a writer's block, but now I'm back on the road again! Hope you liked this chapter, it was a bit of a calm chapter and maybe a bit boring? I just hope you liked it. I will be back with more in a few days, I promise. :)_


	14. Tomorrow will be kinder

After a long drive we were finally in Palm Springs. I didn't recognize anything. When we were sat in the car pretty close to the school they had went to and lived in, I felt like I had been there before, but nothing jolt-started my memory. We went around and visited all the places we had been in when we apparently lived here, but I felt nothing. Not even a flashback assured me that we were on the right path. At the end of the day, everything just felt hopeless. They decided that we were going to stay at Calrence's for the night and we drove there. When I saw the big house in front of me, I almost let out a laugh. It looked exactly like Count Dracula was living in there. How ironic. We were greeted at the door by a surprised lady that was called Dorothy. I guessed that she was the feeder I had used while here, she looked kind of high and had bite marks on her neck. I hoped I could get to borrow her for a second now. I was all out of blood and it was exhausting me. We were shown into a living room which was kind of big, but so far the house wasn't that reminiscent of its outside. It looked kind of normal inside. In the living room sat an old man, which I assumed was Clarence, and looked out a window. He was very surprised to see us. He particularly stared at Sage for a long while.

"Hello Mr Donahue.", She said, smiling. He blinked hard before a smile spread across his face too.

"Well, hello Sydney.", He then looked at us. "And hello Eddie and Adrian. It has been a while since we last saw each other, hasn't it?", He looked kind of doubting. Obviously this man didn't exactly seem to be clear-headed. He seemed a bit confused.

"Yes it has. It has been five months since you saw me and Adrian.", Eddie said and gestured towards me. Clarence nodded slowly as if putting that information in his memory.

"And you haven't seen me in six months.", Sage added. Clarence seemed to think for a second before he seemed content that he had remembered something of importance.

"Ah, yes, you disappeared. Why did you do that? We were awfully worried for you.", He said and looked at her curiously. She smiled once again. She was so sweet against this old moroi. It was weird. She was an alchemist after all, they were supposed to be afraid of us, right? They thought we were all evil or something.

"Well, I got kidnapped. But that was then, these two rescued me. Let's leave it in the past, shall we?", She asked and looked at him. Better not involve all the details to him, maybe his mind would explode.

"If you say so. What brings you here then?", He asked and looked at ease.

"Well, we were wondering if you had any spare beds for the night? We need some place to stay.", Eddie asked. Clarence practically beamed.

"Well of course! There's always room for guests in my house.", He seemed so happy for company. It was adorable.

We got settled and I got some blood in my system, and I walked to the living room where the others were gathering. I sat down in the couch and looked around me. I just took in the atmosphere and tried desperately to remember something, anything. Sage came down and sat down on the other end of the sofa and looked tired. She sighed and looked over at Eddie who was talking to Clarence by the window. The old man seemed curious about whatever they were talking about, probably the fact that we were gone for so long, and Eddie seemed to enjoy talking to the old moroi as well. I looked around the room and caught a glimpse of red, and just like that, I got a picture in my mind again. I saw red and gold. Just red and gold. After a short while, the gold took the shape of that cross necklace again and the red resorted to looking like fabric in the background. When I saw that, I felt warm inside. Like I was falling in love. It was a strange feeling, to feel like you're falling for someone while looking at inanimate objects. Maybe I had been in love with a person that had worn those things? Or maybe my mind was just playing games with me. Who knew. My mind wasn't exactly the most reliable source of information these days. I returned to reality and found Sage staring at me. Those pretty eyes were studying me and my face and when I looked back, she turned her head.

"Anything you want to know?", I asked, one eyebrow raised. She looked at me again and spoke.

"Is your mind still blank? I could swear that you just remembered something.", She seemed so certain of whatever she was thinking, but I didn't feel ready to share my visions with her yet. I didn't know her. At least not as I was now.

"It's blank. I can promise you that.", I muttered. She seemed a bit defeated at that but to be fair, I would have been too.

"Too bad.", She said and looked at me with sadness in her eyes.

"Why? Why do you want me to remember so badly?", I asked. I was curious. She seemed to care about me in a different way than how an alchemist should care about a vampire.

"Because I miss the person you were before all this.", She simply said and looked away. I was puzzled. Had we really been that good friends?

"Were we good friends?", I dared to ask and she looked over at me again. A sad smile was on her lips and she looked tired and weak.

"We were. We really were.", Sage said, voice barely above a whisper, and she got up on her feet and walked away. Again, my mind sent me a picture. I felt the heat of a burning sun and I saw a girl sitting next to me, her feet was dipped into a pool of clear-blue water and the glimmer of the sun that reflected in the cross around her neck hid her face. Why did I keep seeing that cross? What meaning did it hold to me? I didn't know, and it freaked me out. It made me feel safe, at home, happy, sad, and a million other things, all at once. It was confusing. I wondered who the girl that wore the cross in my latest vision were. If I could just find her, maybe all the pieces would fall into place. Maybe everything would start making sense for the first time since I woke up in that basement. Maybe, just maybe. I lived on my hope and my foolish belief that everything would fall into place as soon as I found the missing piece that kept disturbing my thoughts. I returned to the world around me and found that me and Clarence were the only people still in the room. This was a risky situation. He didn't know about my memory loss and I would probably not be able to carry out a conversation with him since I didn't remember a thing about anyone that I had met in Palm Springs. Something struck me. Why were the shadows so close? Why wasn't I chain-smoking to keep them away? Where the hell was my booze and cigarettes? What had happened under these months, I couldn't possibly gone sober, my vices were my life-savers. They helped me keep a grip on the world so that I wouldn't feel like I was falling off. They helped me live normally. They helped keep my thought somewhat clear. Why didn't I have them in my hand? Eddie walked back into the room and I decided to ask him.

"Castile, one question, why isn't there a pack of cigarettes in my pocket?", I looked at him like I was blaming him for the lack of substances in my blood. Eddie sighed and looked at me hesitantly. Why did everyone tip on their toes around me? I wasn't a child, I was just a whiny moroi with memory issues.

"Last time I heard, you quit.", He said at last. What the hell.

"I quit?! Are you kidding me?", I was almost mad at myself. Why would I quit the things that made my life better?

"No. I'm not. You really quit.", He looked dead serious. I couldn't believe it.

"Well why?", I must have had a reason, even though I wouldn't accept the fact that my stupid past self had let go of the things that gave me a purpose.

"Because of Jill.", He said but directly after that he gave me a weird look. I hated being excluded.

"I can understand that, even though I don't understand why I didn't just cut down. I mean, how am I gonna live without the loves of my life?", I sighed and leaned back on the couch. Eddie sat down in a chair quite close to me and looked at me.

"You know, I don't think they're the loves of your life anymore.", He cast a quick glance towards the door and then looked content. Why was he so cryptic?`

"Nothing could replace them. They're the only things that have never let me down.", I closed my eyes and ran a hand through my hair. I was so exhausted all the time. This memory loss really damaged my energy supply. Eddie just chuckled quietly and I heard him get up and talk to Clarence. As if something had replaced my precious booze. It was impossible. Right in the same second as that thought crossed my mind, Sage walked into the room. Suddenly I got butterflies in my stomach. Why did that happen? I figured that it was because of the fact that she was an authority. I couldn't deal well with authorities. I always ended up defying whatever they said, unless they said something worth listening too. She looked pretty. Even though her clothes looked like she was a missionary, she pulled them off. She went over to the window and the setting sun made her hair glow, and her yellow aura added to the illusion that she was made of gold. She took my breath away. But I wasn't falling for her. Nope, wouldn't happen. I knew how easy a woman's beauty could captivate me, it had happened many times before, but I mostly managed to keep it to an admiration of their appearance, and nothing else. She had a stronger pull than most girls, I'll admit that, but I wouldn't let myself fall over the edge. Never. She was a human for Christ sake. Nothing could become of this. Ever. As if she could read my thoughts, she came over to me and sat down next to me on the couch.

"How's it going?", She asked with a gloomy smile. Why did she seem to sad all the time?

"Not bad, still empty up there, but it's probably just a matter of time.", I sighed and her smile disappeared.

"Probably. It did for me. It took five months though, I would want to have you back earlier than that.", She looked down at her hands.

"Your memory was lost too? You never told me that.", I was shocked. She had been in the same position as me and hadn't told me about it.

"Yes. Right before you lost yours, I got mine back.", She said grimly.

"Does that mean-", I managed to say before she cut me off.

"Yes, it means that even when I couldn't remember anything about or Palm Springs or anything, I decided to help you escape.", She looked at me then and her eyes distracted me for a second before I pulled it together.

"Why?", Was my simple question. She looked away and gazed out over the room instead of looking into my eyes.

"Because, it felt _right. _I can't really explain it, I just knew in my heart that I needed to help you.", I was moved by that. Even though she didn't remember me, she decided that I was worth risking her life for. Our friendship must have been strong.

"Well, I'm glad you did, even though you kind of failed miserably at saving me from whatever they did.", I smiled at her and managed to get a small smile back. A smile of amusement and not a forced smile like she so very often nowadays showed me. Sage smiled a genuine smile and it warmed me, deep in my soul.

* * *

_A/N: Just now this morning, I realized that I have to become better at updating this story if I wan't it completed before The Indigo Spell which is only __**18 days away. **__So I figured I might aswell publish a chapter before I dragged myself to school. Hope you liked it!_


	15. You don't know me

The next day I woke up, and for a second, I forgot all about my memory loss and was surprised not to wake up in my own bed. I scrambled to my feet and ran up to the window and looked out at the sunny landscape and then I remembered. I was in Palm Springs. I had forgotten nine months of my life. Oh wow. I got dressed and did my hair before I strolled to the kitchen where all the others were, laughing and talking. It was weird. A human, a dhampir, a moroi and an alchemist, enjoying each-others company. That was something you rarely saw, if ever. I joined in on them but I noticed that Sage and Eddie looked sadder as soon as I set foot in the room. They had probably forgotten, if only just for a second, about my state and the tragedy that surrounded us at the moment. It dragged me to the bottom of my misery. It wasn't a good feeling, to know that you were a constant reminder of someone else failure. It drained me. I just wanted everything to feel alright. I wanted everything to be good. Everyone in the room kept on talking even though my friends glanced at me all the time. I poured myself a cup of coffee and leaned against a counter, looking out over the room. After a minute of peaceful loneliness with my own thoughts, Sage walked over to me and leaned against the counter next to me.

"How are you?", She asked and looked at me with a concerned look.

"Now that you're asking, not very well. I guess I'm still processing everything.", I said truthfully. Everything felt out of place and I felt like I was sick.

"I can understand that. Nine months of lost time is a lot to take in.", She muttered and looked around the room. I put away my cup of coffee and crossed my arms on my chest.

"It's overwhelming.", I spoke and studied her face and the tattoo that was on her cheek. It glimmered in the dim light of the kitchen. She turned her head and looked at me, right in my eyes.

"I promise I will get your memories back.", She spoke with such passion that I suddenly realized something, she had purple streaks in her aura. Hidden among the sea of yellow were the small streaks of purple that meant passion and drive. It surprised me a bit. She just didn't seem like that kind of person.

"I know you will.", I said and looked in her eyes. She seemed to doubt for a second, I don't know if it was doubt in her ability to fix this, or doubt in my faith in her, but somehow she seemed unsure.

"I just, I don't want to turn my back on you since you never did when I was kidnapped. Eddie told me that you never stopped looking. You kept on going, even when it was hopeless and you nearly turned insane, you decided to never give up on finding me.", She turned her eyes away and looked down at the floor. "Thank you for saving me." She seemed so shy. It was sweet, and she reminded me more of the alchemist girl that helped Rose long ago. She seemed like the one my damaged brain could remember.

"Don't even think about it. I probably had my reasons, and I would probably still think they were good enough reasons to follow a girl across the country.", I smiled and she looked up at me, a sparkle in her eye and a small smile playing on her lips. Dorothy and Clarence walked out of the room, probably for a feeding or something. Me, Eddie, and Sage all stood in silence for a couple of minutes and I finally felt like I was okay. I felt almost happy. And that was when all hell broke loose. Bursting in the room came the witches. I had been told they were called Evelyn and Laura and they looked scary as hell. Castile immediately went into guardian mode and Sage stood herself between me and the witches. Evelyn smiled. It was the creepiest thing I have ever seen.

"Missed me?", She asked Sage who didn't respond. Instead, she looked angry. "How's your boyfriend, from what I remember, I managed to make a good sweeping on him before you left."

"Don't say another word.", Sage growled. She was terrifying. I quickly made a mental note to myself to never ever under any circumstances piss Sage off to this level. She scared the crap out of me.

"Did I hit a nerve?", Evelyn looked innocent even though she remained her battle stance. Sage didn't answer this time either, she just flung a fricking lightning bolt from her fingers and Evelyn ducked right before it hit her in the stomach. I backed away a step, just to not get in the line of fire. Eddie took Sage's attack as a cue to tackle Laura to the ground and trapping her so she couldn't move. I backed another step. I didn't want to die. Evelyn just laughed the entire time.

"Remember a teeny tiny little detail? I trained you. I know your whole repertoire.", She then proceeded to do some kind of spell that made it impossible for Sage to move her feet. She growled in frustration and when Evelyn sent away a fire bolt through the air, Sage had to do some kind of matrix move and lean back while her feet still was stuck. She did some other spell and released her feet and then threw another lightning bolt. The fight went on like that for a while, they kept deflecting each other's attacks, while I stood in a corner feeling useless. Or, it was really more than that. I was panicked. I didn't know how to fight, I knew how to party and small talk. None of those skills came in handy in real life combat unfortunately, so I just stood there, watching. Waiting for an order or a window where I could assist in some kind of way. I felt so helpless and pathetic. Eddie was wrestling Laura on the floor while Sage and Evelyn tore the kitchen apart with their spells, while I was scared. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about me too. Sage was filled with rage and that was the thing that powered her right now. She didn't even hesitate to use magic like alchemists should, she just kept on going, red hot rage pushing her forward. It was a scary thing to watch. To see someone consumed by such a strong emotion. While I stood there, mesmerized by the strong emotions in her aura, I didn't notice how Laura broke free and knocked Eddie unconscious with a single flick of her wrist. She ran up to me, and before I had time to think, she put an arm around my neck and a pair of glowing fingers floating in the air above my exposed skin.

"Stop it or I snap this pretty boy's neck.", Laura said, a cold tone in her voice. It was like ice, sharp and freezing. Sage and Evelyn stopped fighting and Sage looked overwhelmed. She shot a glance at Eddie who was laying on the ground before looking directly at Laura who was behind me.

"What do you want from me?", Sage asked calmly. Evelyn smiled.

"We want you to come with us, without fighting.", She answered her. Sage just scoffed.

"Don't you think I would try to flee again?", She seemed so confident.

"Of course you would try to flee, don't be silly.", Evelyn sighed. "But we have a solution for that. We'll just sweep you. Again.", Sage looked scared. And angry.

"Never.", She simply said and I let out a whimper as Laura pressed harder against my neck. It was getting harder to breathe. Sage flinched and looked over at me.

"I think you might want to reconsider your decision.", Evelyn said sweetly and Sage bit her lip. She seemed to think and Laura loosened her grip a bit so that I could breathe properly. I decided that this was my chance.

"Don't even think about going with th-", I was cut off by a punch in my side delivered by Laura. It hurt like hell and I lost my breath for a second.

"I don't think she has much of an option if she wants to save you and the little dhampir.", Evelyn looked at me innocently. I hated her. Sage seemed to give up since she lowered her hands and sighed.

"No, don't!", I managed to say before Laura punched me again and I wheezed for air.

"I have to Adrian.", She said sadly. I couldn't let her do this. I couldn't let her walk away with the enemy.

"No you don't, please.", I said and prepared myself for the punch against my ribs, but just when Laura raised her hand, Evelyn stared her down until she settled with it clutching my arm.

"This is my choice. I failed to save you before, I will not do that again.", She seemed steady. She was not going to waver one bit about this. She had decided and there was no turning back. I blinked away a few tears. Why was I feeling so strong about this?

"Alright then, do we have a deal?", Everything about Evelyn made hatred blossom inside of me. Sage nodded. "Deal."

"Great. And as for you, Ivashkov,", Evelyn started. "You will not look for her. You will leave her be so we won't have any more incidents like this. If this happens again, I'm afraid we'll have to kill you all. Including the girl. Got it?", She asked and looked at me sternly.

"No.", I spoke, silent like a whisper. That earned me a scared look form Sage and an amused one from Evelyn.

"Aren't you a brave one?", She said and fixed me with her gaze. Her smile was a little tight around her eyes. I could spot the irritation that was inside of her.

"You can't have her. You can't own a person.", I hissed. Evelyn just laughed.

"Adrian, I have decided. Just, accept it. Don't put yourself in any more danger.", Sage pleaded. I looked her straight in the eyes and shook my head once. I was never going to stop fighting.

"Are you two done bickering?", Evelyn asked and right then, another woman burst through the door. She flung Laura against a wall and with a snap of her fingers, Laura fell asleep. This new woman looked a lot like Evelyn, only with lighter hair and a different taste in fashion. I felt like I knew her name. Evelyn looked like an animal trapped in a cage for a second before she pulled it together and smirked.

"Well if it isn't my little sister. Hello Jaclyn.", She said. Wait, So Evelyn was older than this Jaclyn? It looked like the opposite.

"Hi Evelyn. It's been a while.", This Jaclyn woman said and put herself between Sage and Evelyn. Sage quickly moved so she was stood in front of me, shielding me with her body.

"Yes indeed. It has.", Evelyn said.

"Tell me, why are you harassing my former student and a moroi?", Jaclyn asked sweetly. Evelyn scoffed.

"You know very well why I need her, don't try to deny it.", the older woman smiled at that.

"Yes, I'm aware. But that doesn't mean that you are allowed to erase people's memories however you feel like.", Jaclyn was angry.

"Watch me.", Evelyn said and her smile grew even bigger. Jaclyn just looked disappointed and then they both threw lightning bolts that collided and threw everyone down on the ground. I looked over at Sage who looked at me with an equally surprised glance. What the hell. How would this end? Sure, we had three against one, but Evelyn was _strong. _Scary strong. The witches got up on their feet again and Evelyn and Jaclyn kept on fighting while Sage kept an eye on me and I ducked. I didn't want to get in the line of fire. This was insane. The lightning-, and occasionally fire-, bolts were flying around the room and Sage shielded us more than once. At first, she had tried helping Jaclyn but after a stern look from the older woman, she backed off and resorted to watching and protecting me. I felt like a child. I couldn't do anything. Suddenly the fighting stopped. Both women were standing, breathing hard, and looking at each other. Just looking. They were tired and probably weak, but I was still fascinated that they could just _stop. _It looked weird.

"Please sister, stop this.", Jaclyn begged. Evelyn just shook her head.

"I can't. I _need_ her and you know why.", For a split second, both women looked equally sad, but soon Evelyn plastered on a wicked smile and looked cocky.

"There must be another way Evelyn.", Jaclyn pleaded. "I can help you."

"There isn't! Ever since that day, I have searched and searched for another way, but there isn't any! I need her powers little sister.", Evelyn looked like she had run out of hope. She looked devastated.

"We will find a way. She wouldn't want it to be like this.", Wait a second, who was 'she'? We were missing a whole chunk of information here. Or at least me and Sage.

"THERE IS NO OTHER WAY!", Evelyn yelled. Tears was streaming down her face. "Don't talk to me about her wishes, I already know that I'm doing the wrong thing.", She said. She looked straight at Jaclyn. "I already know.", She whispered.

"Then please let me help. You don't have to sweep them.", Evelyn was still negotiating and I was watching with fascination. Who was this girl and what had happened to her? Obviously something horrible. Something Evelyn didn't want to talk about. She obviously knew the girl well, she was so protective about her.

"That's the thing, I think I do. She would never help me otherwise.", Evelyn had by this point dropped her arms to her sides instead of having them battle ready. Through all this conversation, she hadn't looked at us once. Not until now anyway. She looked straight at me and the look in her eyes was heart breaking. It looked like she had lost faith in everything good in the world. She looked like she had lost grip of everything. She looked like me. That scared me. When I looked in her eyes, I saw the misery that had up until recently always been lurking around the corners in my mind. Always waiting to jump me and knock me unconscious. It was there, in her eyes. Exactly like in my own during my fits of spirit induced insanity. She had jumped over the edge. She seemed to notice this too.

"You understand, right?", She asked me, sounding like a little girl who just wanted some hope in this horrible place. Sage immediately stiffened and prepared herself for an attack which didn't come. I decided to speak the truth.

"I don't understand what have happened to you in your life, but I do understand what you're feeling.", I said and got up on my feet for real.

"How?", She asked and looked curious. This situation had took a turn to the better. Or at least I hoped it was better.

"Honestly? I've been through a bunch of crap, and my mind isn't exactly making it any better.", I knocked lightly on my head to show that I was all sorts of crazy.

"I just want to fix everything.", She whispered and I nodded.

"You can't fix everything, the universe doesn't work that way.", I said and put my hands in my pockets.

"But I can't sit around doing nothing.", She said and looked at me like I was crazy. To be fair, I was.

"You can always try.", I shrugged. "We all have different ways to cope with difficult things, but none of that ways should be kidnapping a teenage girl and erasing her memory."

"I had to. For Megan.", She said and then looked like she was about to break down in even more tears. What had happened to this Megan? Suddenly, her face shifted and she went from sadness to rage in the blink of an eye.

"I WANT HER BACK!", She screamed and threw a lighting bolt directly towards my face. I panicked and froze in my position, watching it approach me as if it was in slow-motion. Sage on the other hand, reacted instantly and threw herself between the lighting and me while putting on some kind of invisible shield which you could hear shatter as it got hit. Sydney fell to the ground with an horrible scream and for a split second I was consumed with fear. She didn't move. She lied there, completely still, for a minute, before my brain understood what had happened and moved to her side. During this time, Jaclyn knocked Evelyn out and went and checked on both Eddie and Laura. I sat by Sydney's side, petrified. I looked for her pulse and was instantly relieved when I found it. She was alive. Her eyes fluttered open and she sat up on the hard kitchen floor. She put a hand on her arm and her face was filled with pain.

"I think it's broken. I landed on it.", She muttered and wrinkled her fore head.

"Do you want me to fix it?", I asked. I figured she wouldn't like it if I did something without her permission.

"Please don't.", She said and looked a bit scared for a split-second. "It's just a broken bone, it will heal in time.", She stated. Her fear for my magic left me puzzled. Did she see a difference between moroi magic and the magic she had just practiced? It was the same thing except it came from different sources. I sighed and got up on my feet. Someone else might need my healing. I walked over to Eddie who was waking up.

"Feeling okay?", I asked. Eddie just rose to his feet, brushed of his clothes, and nodded.

"I'm feeling alright. What happened?", He asked.

"Honestly, I got kind of lost by the end.", I answered. I didn't have a clue why Evelyn suddenly snapped. This called for some investigation.

* * *

_A/N: Yay another long chapter! We are closing in on this story's ending, and for those of you that are waiting for some Sydrian-moments, I can tell you that I saved some of the best for last. So yay, hope you liked this chapter and I hope you'll continue reading. I love everyone who keeps reviewing, you guys are the best! _


	16. Negativity never accomplish anything

Evelyn woke up after a while but instead of going crazy and throwing a fit, she just sat in silence, staring straight out in space. Once in a while, she would say 'why' very silently to herself and rock a bit back and forth. Jaclyn told us she was going to take Laura with her and swipe her as soon as she could, but before that, she told us the story about Megan. You see, Megan had been a pretty girl with long dark brown hair, who just didn't come home after a night out with her friends. Megan disappeared without a trace and the people that saw her last said that she was on her way home. Megan also happened to have been Evelyn's daughter. Evelyn went all sorts of crazy and started looking for her with different scrying spells, but she didn't have much luck. After a while, she resorted to asking Jaclyn for help and they actually found her with their co-joined powers. The only problem was that sweet little Megan wasn't so sweet anymore. She was strigoi. Evelyn went into shock and insisted that she needed to take whatever measures needed to get her daughter back. They looked for some spells but the only one they stumbled upon required for them to find extremely rare ingredients, and also, they needed someone more powerful than they had ever been. That's when Jaclyn gave up and returned to her work at Amberwood, only to stumble upon Sage and her powers only a few short months afterward. She decided to tell Evelyn that she had found someone who might be able to pull the spell off but when Sage explained that she didn't want anything to do with magic, Jaclyn told her sister that they couldn't use her. Evelyn refused to accept that and stopped talking to her little sister, while putting together a plan to get her daughter back. The rest of the story is history, Evelyn kidnapped Sage, I came to the rescue abracadabra here we were. When the story was over, Eddie and Sage kind of shared a look and then she spoke.

"We know another way to restore strigoi.", Sage said and looked at her former teacher.

"Wait what? You do?", Jaclyn was really surprised. "Tell me how!", She demanded and looked at us eagerly.

"You just take a charmed silver stake, one that we guardians have, and charm it with some spirit. Then you just jam the stake in the strigoi's heart and they get restored.", Eddie said, all guardian. Jaclyn's face lit up.

"I can't believe we didn't know about that..", She muttered. Eddie shook his head.

"It's kind of new to us too.", He shrugged. "We'd love to help you get her back, but we have some problems of our own at the moment.", Eddie pointed to me and Jaclyn nodded.

"The spell he's under can only be broken by himself, otherwise, I would have helped.", She sighed and looked me deep in the eyes. "It's all up to you to get your memory back. Nobody can help you.", She spoke and took Evelyn out to her car with her. Eddie followed her, carrying the still unconscious Laura, and put her in the back seat. She waved before getting in the car herself and driving off. Sage set off to talk to Clarence and Dorothy about the whole thing that had went down in the kitchen only minutes ago, while I helped Eddie pack our car. We were going back to court in another attempt to get my memories back, but after Jaclyn said that I needed to get my memory back myself, everything felt kind of hopeless. I didn't feel ready to get back the memories yet. It wasn't time. After we had packed up the car, we went and said our goodbyes to Clarence and Dorothy. We then went back to the car, and drove off. Eddie was driving this time and I was sat in the back seat, stuck in my own thoughts and the different things I tried so hard to sort out. The fight and Sage's determination to protect me had started an avalanche inside of me. She had started to become more to me than just the alchemist girl who saved my life. She was becoming something greater, something that made me unable to stay away from her. She pulled me towards her, she was like the sun and I was the earth revolving around her. It felt strange, it wasn't love. Or at least I didn't think so. This wasn't the same feeling I had felt toward Rose, this was stronger and more magnetic. I couldn't put my finger on it.

The next day, we arrived at court. The guards let us in and since Jill saw me through the bond, she was stood waiting for us when we arrived. Immediately when she saw Sage, she ran up and hugged her very tight, very long.

"I missed you so much.", She muttered while hugging Sage and the alchemist smiled.

"Well, I'm back now, I can tell you everything some other time, right now we need to focus on the party-boy over there.", She pointed towards me and Jill giggled. Jailbat then proceeded to give Eddie a quick hug, and then she went up to me. She stood in front off me and looked me in the eyes with sadness painted on her face.

"Hello Jailbat. How's it going?", I asked, a smirk on my face. I couldn't stand seeing her sad.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?", She answered with a question and then smiled, but the sadness was still displayed in her eyes. I was getting sick of these negative emotions. They disgusted me.

"Fair enough, I'm doing fine. Nothing has come back yet, but it's only a matter of time.", I tried cheering her up, and it worked for a second. A flash of joy came to her eyes but was soon overpowered by the sadness.

"Well, good.", She smiled. "Let's go, Sonya is here and she wants to see you.", She grabbed my arm and started dragging me after her. Sage and Eddie kind of shrugged before following us. Jill dragged us halfway across court to Sonya, who was standing by some pots, caring for some plants. She looked up when we were closing in, and immediately wrinkled her forehead. She was staring at a spot right above my head. My aura must look awful. Before we even had time to say hello, she looked away from my aura, and hugged Sage. Apparently, everybody had missed her a lot. It didn't make sense to me, but by this point, I had learned to not over-think everything that was different than the last time I remember seeing them. It just made me tired. It was better to focus on the present.

"Long time no see.", She said and looked Sage in the eyes with a wide smile on her face.

"Too long.", Sage answered and returned the smile. "Any thoughts about Adrian?", Sage asked and Sonya nodded.

"There's this cloak on his aura, it's gray and a bit thick, but I see his aura underneath.", She started and Sage nodded.

"My aura was the same, he told me that.", She looked at me and gave me an encouraging smile.

"The thing is, it's ripped on some places.", Sonya squinted and Sage's eyes darted to me. She looked a bit angry for a second before putting on a neutral expression. "The rips are not big though, they are tiny.", She sighed and stopped squinting. She then got an amused expression and muttered 'interesting' for herself and smiled. Nobody else seemed to care about what she said, but the word stuck with me. What had she seen that was 'interesting'? It always scared me when I didn't know about something that concerned me.

"Adrian, can I talk with you alone for minute?", Sage suddenly broke the silence and I felt cold inside. What had I done now?

"Um, yeah, sure, why not?", I answered hesitantly and she took me aside. She crossed her arms against her chest and looked me deep in the eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?", She asked, clearly disappointed. I didn't even know what she was talking about.

"Tell you about what? What have I done?", I asked, confused. What the hell.

"You didn't tell me about the fact that you've had flashbacks.", She sighed and looked away. "Why didn't you tell me?", She looked back at me with a look of sadness in her eyes.

"Because I barely knew that they were flashbacks. I just keep seeing these random images, nothing important.", I assured her. I still didn't feel like telling her about the cross, and I didn't know why. I could just feel that I shouldn't tell her about the fact that I kept seeing this stupid necklace whenever I remembered something. She didn't seem content with my answer, but after a moments hesitation. She nodded and seemed to accept it.

"Well, okay then. Just, keep in mind that I have gone through the exact same thing, I could help.", She said and I nodded in to show that I understood. She then lead the way back to the others who was talking and laughing. When we arrived back, they looked at us and Sonya smiled. She practically beamed and kept looking between me and Sage. What was she all about? Did she think something was going on here? No chance, no chance at all. Then something hit me, she kept looking like that on Eddie and Jill too, and when I looked at them, I could see it. They liked each other a lot. Wow, that was new. It was cute to see them all awkward around each other, but it was also a painful reminder that I couldn't protect Jill from everything throughout her life. I saw her as my little sister, and I would do anything for her, but I couldn't decide over her. She wasn't my little sister. Don't get me wrong, I was happy that she was crushing on Eddie, and I totally approved of those two, but it was just a reminder that she wasn't really that awkward little kid I first got to know. She was more mature now and she was exploring the world in her own way. We stood there, talking for a bit, when Rose suddenly came walking around the corner. She gasped in surprise when she saw us and then rushed forward and hugged Sage tight. She then let go and went up to me and punched me on the arm. Strange, the punch hurt, but it didn't hurt seeing her. That was new.

"That's for leaving me here while you sneaked away and rescued Sydney.", She looked mad for a second but then her face split in a smile. "But I'm glad you found her."

"Thanks, I guess?", I said hesitantly while rubbing my arm. She didn't have to punch so hard.

"Rose? He's not really himself.", Sage said carefully.

"What do you mean by that?", She asked and looked curious. Sage then threw herself into the whole story of me finding her with memory loss and when I was locked in witch jail and she then finished with telling her about my own memory loss. Rose looked surprised and worried when story-time was over and I kind of shrugged to show that I didn't know what to say or do.

"Wow, okay, let me get this straight, you don't remember anything after the attack at court? Nothing at all?", She looked really confused. She probably didn't know how to handle this, memory loss wasn't exactly the kind of thing guardians dealt with.

"Exactly. It's completely blank.", I answered and she kind of sighed.

"That is so bad.", She muttered to herself and then looked around her. "Does anyone have any idea how to make him remember or what?", Rose didn't waste time.

"An old friend told me that he needs to remember on his own. We can't force it.", Sage said and sighed.

"Well that was bad.", Rose said. "I just feel like we should help.", She seemed disappointed. Maybe because she was useless for once.

"Come on people, I can do this on my own. Stop worrying.", I was getting pissed over the fact that they seemed to think they decided over my life and my actions. Okay that I was kind of handicapped with this amnesia, but that didn't mean that I needed any special treatment. "I'm not a child you know, I can fix this.", I continued and they just looked at me.

"If you say so.", Offered Rose while Jill and Eddie nodded. Sonya and Sage seemed more hesitant to leaving this responsibility to myself. I wondered why.

"Everyone agrees to let me figure this out on my own unless I ask for help?", I pressed and stared at Sonya and Sage. The two women hesitated for a second before both nodded.

"Good.", I said and flashed a cocky smile. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have some bags to put in my room."


	17. The golden cross

I kept to myself for another day or so, just catching up with everything I had forgotten. I was buried in information and tried working everything out. My tactic was that if I could fill up most of the blanks, the rest would come back. I just hoped it would work. I got occasional visits, they stopped by with food or to ask how I was, but as soon as they noticed that I was busy, they left. Sage never stopped by though. I had no clue why, but she kept away. It bugged me. I wanted her here, I wanted her to wonder how I was feeling, if I made any progress, and, most of all, I wanted her to miss me. I didn't know why, but I wanted her to care for me. I wanted her to worry about me, but I didn't want her to feel unhappy. I wanted her to be filled with joy, but at the same time, I wanted her to miss me. _Could this be love? _No. I wouldn't have it. Some things were better off as they were. Some taboos was not made to be broken. I sighed and put away the papers I had been reading for the past minutes. This was boring as hell. After catching up so much in so little time, my brain felt fried. I decided it was time for a break. I went outside and started wandering. I had no destination, no errand, nothing. I just wandered around and wondered where fate would lead me. When I turned a corner, I ran straight into Sonya. Literally.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry!", I said and she smiled.

"It's okay Adrian.", She looked at my aura. "How's everything going?", She asked, still smiling.

"Okay, I guess. Nothing has come back to me yet.", I sighed. It was disappointing when things didn't work out the way I planned.

"Are you sure about that?", She asked, a bit hesitant. She too her eyes off my aura and instead looked me in the eyes. I felt confused. Of course I was sure, I would have known it, right?

"Well, yeah? I think so at least.", I said, now a bit doubting. Did I remember anything? In that case, it couldn't have been anything important since I still felt the same.

"Hmm. It looks like the holes in the gray are bigger.", She smiled. "But I might be wrong.", She shrugged and then started walking past me. "I have to go, good luck!", She spoke and waved.

"Thank you.", I said and waved back. I then resumed my wandering. I just walked, and admired the beauty in everything around me. I wanted to paint everything. I wanted to paint the whole world. I snapped a lot of mental pictures during that walk, many of them would become beautiful paintings and some would inspire me to appreciate life and the gift of living. Next thing I knew, I stumbled upon a cafe, and Sage was there. She was dressed in a brown skirt, tights and a beige blouse._"__So. Are you guys here to convert me or sell me siding?" _I could hear the sentence clear as day inside my head. I had said that before. I froze in the spot and my mind started working. When had I said that? Then it struck me. When I saw Keith and Sage in Palm Springs for the first time. I greeted them at the door. Holy shit. I had actually remembered something. I rushed to the table where Sage was sat reading, and sat down on a chair opposite to her. She looked surprised and was just about to say something when I interrupted her.

"I remembered something!", I exclaimed triumphantly. At first, she looked confused but then her face split open in a smile.

"That's great! What did you remember?", She seemed curious. I smiled.

"When I greeted you and Keith at the door for the first time in Palm Springs.", I practically bounced in my seat, I was so happy. This was good, this was progress. I was getting my mind back.

"That's a start.", She said and looked me in the eyes.

"I think it's because I crammed my head with information about these past nine months, it might have helped.", I said with pride. All of a sudden, she seemed to remember something and her face was wiped from feelings. She just looked reserved.

"Yeah, maybe.", She answered. She was was still wearing her neutral expression and left me puzzled. What was I missing here?

"Okay, stop. What's wrong?", I confronted her.

"Nothing-", She started but I was not dealing with this today.

"Don't lie. Something is up, I can both sense and see it.", I said and shot a glance at her aura as I spoke. In there, the feelings were dancing around. They were intense, and many, and I couldn't really make them out. It was just a blur. She sighed.

"I can't tell you.", She looked at me.

"Why?", I asked. What was wrong here?

"I just can't. Not now at least.", She answered and started rising from her chair. "I should go, I need to meet up with some people.", She said vaguely. I could see from her whole existence that that was a lie, but I didn't stop her. I just nodded and let her go. I could feel that she wouldn't have told me anything, it wouldn't have mattered how much I had asked. I stayed seated at the table, watching her back as she walked away. She turned around once and I waved, but she just kept on walking. Why did it hurt me so much to see her walk away? Why did I feel like I had lost a battle? I picked up a napkin and found a pen in my pocket and I started doodling while still being in my own world of thoughts. Why had Sage been distant towards me? Why had she gone from friendly to cold in just a matter of minutes? Why why why.

"Hey, how's the studying going?", I heard a very familiar voice intrude my thoughts. I looked up from my drawing and saw Rose standing above me. I looked back at the drawing and noticed that I had drawn the tattoo of a lily Sage had on her left cheek. Without knowing why, I felt ashamed, and I covered up the drawing from Rose's prying eyes.

"Okay, I guess.", I wrinkled my forehead. "I remembered one thing today, but it was mostly just a sentence so it was no big deal.", I lied. Rose looked suspicious for a second but then sighed and sat down on the chair Sage had left merely minutes ago.

"Anything you want to talk about?", She asked and propped her elbows on the table.

"Um, no? Should there be?", I asked and felt confused. What had she detected from me now?

"I don't know, it just looked like you had some things to confess.", She nodded at my napkin which was laying with the drawing facing the table. I felt even more confused.

"Excuse me, what? What are you even talking about?", I asked and she looked surprised for a second.

"For a spirit user, you're not very good at emotions. At least not your own.", Why was she being cryptic.

"Okay Rose, cut the crap, what are you talking about?", I pressed. She couldn't turn back now.

"You love her, don't you?", She leaned forward and looked into my eyes. What was she talking about?

"Love who?", I asked but she only nodded to my drawing. "Sage?! What, are you crazy? She's a human, Rose, and on top of that, an alchemist. I couldn't love her.", I said all these things but my heart was breaking as I uttered those words.

"So you do love her?", She just asked and looked challenging.

"Didn't you hear what I just said?", I was so confused and surprised and sad at the same time. What was happening to me?

"But you see, all the things you just said are arguments as to why you shouldn't love her, you never said you didn't.", She stated and looked pleased. I opened my mouth to deny what she just said, but I couldn't say those words. I couldn't say I didn't love her. Could she be speaking the truth? Was I in love with an _alchemist? _It just felt so _wrong. _It couldn't be.

"So I'm right?", She asked and leaned back in her chair, arms crossed on her chest. I just shook my head. I couldn't believe this. Was I that blind? Had I ignored my own feelings?

"I can't be.", I whispered but Rose just shrugged.

"Why not? It has happened before, I'm living proof.", She said and looked at me. Why was she so okay with this? She should be disgusted and outraged. She should think I was appalling. She shouldn't be so accepting. This was wrong on so many levels all at once.

"Just..., No. This isn't okay. This is wrong.", I said and stood up. She just sat there, a smug smile on her face.

"Oh, I don't know, you spoke very highly off her before all this.", She said and I stopped in my step.

"This was happening before this too?", I asked. Had I felt this for a long time?

"From what I could make out, you two weren't really involved, but you did like her. No doubt about that.", She stared me down and I stormed off. I couldn't listen anymore. Being in love with a dhampir was one thing, it was more accepted in my society, but a human? A human would cause such controversy. It would not be accepted. Not in a million years. I started walking to my room again and was stuck in my own thoughts. Why did these things always happen to me? Why couldn't I just be happy? Life was always playing tricks on me and pushing me off the edge. I never even got a chance to rest, it was always chaos in my life and nothing ran smooth. I was always tripping, and tumbling, and falling down, and when I finally got back up on my feet, life knocked me down again. I was getting tired of this. Getting tired of having to fight for my happiness and my well-being. I was just so damn tired. I turned a corner and bumped into Sage. Two times in one day, not bad. But of course she wasn't the one I wanted to see right now. My heart tumbled in my chest and I suddenly saw clearly. I was so crushing on this girl. No point denying it any longer, all the signs were there. I was in love with a human. She looked nervous for a second before pulling it together and flashing a small smile. She reminded me off Jill for a short while. All that childish nervousness and fear of what the other person was thinking about her.

"Hello again.", I said, my feelings was mixed up and tangled together and I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

"Hi.", She said and looked up at me. Her eyes were everything. They were so pretty and the color just took my breath away. How had I not noticed them during our past conversations?

"Did your meeting thing go well?", I asked, I didn't have anything else to say and I didn't want her to leave. Not again.

"Um, yeah, yeah it did.", She seemed so shy. She was adorable. "What have you been up to?", She asked me and I started struggling for words. It was strange, being nervous around a girl. It didn't usually happen to me.

"Um, I talked to Rose a bit, um, yeah. That was it.", I sighed and she looked at me with a confused look on her face. She probably noticed my nerves. Apparently, she decided to ignore it and just carried on the conversation.

"Guess what? I just found this, it's been gone since San Francisco, maybe it will bring some memories back?", She reached behind her neck and took off a necklace consisting of a gold chain with a plain golden cross hanging from it. No, it couldn't be. She put it in my hand and I was certain that my mouth was hanging wide-open.

"Is this yours?", I asked and examined the cross in my hand. She nodded.

"Yes, I have had it for a long time. You even got to borrow it for a while back in Palm Springs.", She said and looked at me, smiling at first but then her face changed and got sad. It was it. The same cross as in my flashbacks. The exact same. Everything felt unreal and I could feel something fighting to be free inside of me.

"Remember anything?", She asked, looking hopeful. I shook my head, still shocked, and put the cross back in her outstretched hand. She put it back on, and for a second, a small ray of light from a street light caught in the cross and made it glisten. Everything came back to me.

* * *

_A/N: I'm so sorry for the lack of Sydrian-moments so far. I have been in a kind of bad place lately and haven't been feeling that up to writing happy things, but that will change from now on! I really hope you liked this chapter, and from the looks of it now, there might be a sequel coming to this story. I have some ideas and we'll see how it turns out. Anyway, I love all of you who take your time to read this everytime a new chapter is published and I really appreciate your patience with me even though I have been feeling kind of bad lately. Thank you._


	18. Happiness can sting sometimes

It was strange, remembering everything all of a sudden. It felt even weirder when I remembered how I hadn't remembered just a second ago. It felt like someone had ripped of a blind fold from my eyes and I suddenly saw everything clearer. I was here. She was here. We were us. No memory loss stood between us. Nothing whatsoever. I didn't think, I just kissed her. She was surprised and probably a bit shocked because she pulled away and looked at me with panic in her eyes.

"What are you doing?", She demanded, eyes big and round.

"I remember. I remember everything.", I simply explained and smiled. I felt like dancing.

"Really? You're not joking?", She just looked surprised, but not for the kiss. She didn't even mention it.

"I'm definitely not joking.", I stated and just kept on smiling. Her face split open in the biggest smile I'd ever seen and she hugged me. I was shocked, but I would never give up an opportunity to hug Sage. Never ever. I simply hugged back, and we stood there for several minutes, locked in an embrace. She was the one who ended it, but even then, she didn't let go of me. She seemed to struggle with herself. It was times like these when I wanted the ability to read minds. What was she thinking?

"This is incredible.", She spoke and took a step back. My arms felt empty without her in them. Her smile faded a bit and she crossed her arms against her chest.

"What's wrong?", I asked. She seemed distant.

"Nothing.", Her smile looked forced. What was going on?

"It sure is something. You haven't even scolded me for kissing you.", Apparently I hit a weak spot, because her smile went away and she looked worried.

"I need to go.", She simply said and before I had any chance of stopping her, she ran away. I was left all alone, my hand outstretched in a desperate attempt to bring her back. I had waited _so long_ for her. I had looked for her when it was hopeless. I had kept on loving her when I didn't even remember her name. Nothing had changed my feelings for her when my memory disappeared. I just wanted her to be mine. I wanted the world to be a simpler place. I wanted all the things that kept us apart to disappear. Why couldn't everything be easier? Why couldn't she just love me while we still had the time and the chance to do so? We didn't know what our futures held, she could be sent of to Russia tomorrow if the alchemist felt it necessary. I just wanted us to make the best of the moment before the moment slipped through our fingers and reality ripped us apart. I dropped my hand and the feelings of hopelessness and loneliness washed over me. I started making my way back to my room. I wanted to be alone, preferably for the rest of eternity, but of course nothing went my way today. The next person to hug me was Jailbat, who somehow came darting around a corner and hugged me even before I saw her.

"I felt it. You're back.", She said and smiled big. She even giggled.

"Yes, yes I am.", I said. "Have you told anyone else?", I asked and she just shook her head.

"No, I wanted to find you first.", She practically beamed. That was until she saw my face. Then she wrinkled her forehead and looked sad. "She rejected you again?"

"I don't know. Kind of. I mean, she didn't really say 'No, we can never be' like last time, but she did run away before I had a chance to talk to her.", I smiled sadly.

"Oh Adrian, I'm so sorry.", She said. I hated the bond. She shouldn't go through my heart ache. She was so young, so innocent. I mean, I didn't regret bringing her back, I loved Jailbat, but I hated the price that I had to pay for her life. This bond just annoyed me. I couldn't keep anything to myself, and I really needed my privacy sometimes.

"Don't be.", I said. "It's not your fault."

"Okay.", She spoke. "Just, take it easy, okay? Things will turn out great, I just know it.", She smiled again and I smiled back. So positive and sweet.

"Okay.", I said and Jill started walking away.

"I'll talk to you soon, alright?", She asked and I nodded.

"Okay. Can you tell the people that I'm back? I need to be alone for a little while.", I said and she smiled again.

"Sure. Bye!", She then walked away and I resumed my walk to my room. I was just hoping that I wouldn't run into anybody else. I needed some time to think. I had been so stupid for just attacking her with a kiss like that. I should have known that she wouldn't take it well. I mean, at least last time, I had kind of prepared her for it. I made that big speech about how much she meant to me and all that, before I tried anything. But this time, I just did it. No talking, no explaining, just kissing her. One thing about Sage is that she needs things explained. She wants everything to be broken down into tiny pieces of logical information that she can store in her pretty little mind, too bad that love wasn't a thing you could do that with. You had to _feel _it. You had to _breathe_ it. You had to let yourself be completely _drowning_ in it. Or else it wasn't love. The thing was, what we had _was_ love. That's why Sage couldn't comprehend it. She couldn't find a place for it in her logical mind. She couldn't comprehend it. She was lost. I opened the door to my room and went over to the bed. I lied down on my back and let my mind wander down all the different paths it could find. What if I had never met her? What would have become of me then? She had changed me in so many ways. She had helped me become something better. She had nudged me in the right direction. If I hadn't met her, would I have excelled as much as I had done now? I was the best I had ever been right now. All because of her. She was like a force, pulling and pushing me on the right path in life. Helping me move forward when my feet were tired and I felt like giving up. How would I ever tackle life without her? A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts and I forced myself to go open it. Outside stood Sonya, looking happy.

"I heard from Jill that you remember.", She simply said and I stepped aside to let her in.

"Yep, I don't know how good it is though.", I muttered and watched as she sat down in an armchair. I resorted to my bed.

"Yeah, I heard about Sydney. How are you feeling?", She asked, concerned. I just shook my head.

"I don't know. I just don't get her sometimes, you know?", I said and she nodded.

"I do. She is different. She seem like she's trying so hard to be herself but keeps getting pulled back by her profession.", Sonya spoke and looked lost in thought for a second. I waited her out. "But that's the thing, we have to respect her job. We have to respect that she can't to whatever she wants.", She looked me in the eyes sternly and I understood what she meant.

"I guess you're right.", I said and looked down on my hands. "I just don't want it to be that way."

"We can't always get what we want.", Sonya muttered.

"I know, I know. I just feel hopeless.", I muttered back and looked up at her. She was studying my aura. A small smile made it's way to her lips. "What?", I asked. What was she seeing.

"Your aura lights up when you talk about her. It's cute.", She said and looked amused. I just sighed. If only Sage could see that. If only I could win her over.

"Did you have any other reason to visit me other than the fact I have my memory back?", I asked and down on my hands again.

"No, not really. Just thought you needed someone to talk to, and I was right.", She smiled again and rose from her chair. "My work here is done.", She said and walked over to the door.

"Thanks for listening. And talking. Mostly talking actually.", I said and she looked over at me

"You are annoying sometimes, you know that right?", She asked, still smiling wide.

"Trust me, I know.", I answered. "Have fun potting plants or whatever it is you do on your spare time.", I said and she rolled her eyes.

"Bye Adrian."

"Bye Sonya.", She walked out the door and I was left alone again. Being alone with my thoughts in this kind of time was really dangerous. I usually ended up with thinking about the things that hurt the most and unconsciously let the shadows creep closer, waiting to grab a bite of my fragile mind. They scared me, the shadows. They were constantly lurking, constantly looking for an opportunity to attack me and overwhelm me. They scared me in so many ways. Having everything just blackout and to be lost in your own mind is one of the worst things a person can experience. It was worse than death. In death, you found peace. Being lost in insanity only left you fumbling and it made you loose your power of yourself. It was horrible. That's why I tried to never let my guard down, and if I did, I made sure to numb my mind with any kind of substance I could find. Being without my saviors for so long had really taken a toll on me. I was tired. Tired of everything. I wanted help, but the only one who could bring light into the darkness was running away from me. I didn't know what to do. I decided to go to sleep and try to solve this in the morning. No need to keep myself up with broken thoughts and memories, it had been a long day after all. Almost too long. I was looking forward to the sweet dark nothing that was sleep.

The next morning, I woke up and sat straight up in the bed. My sheets were tangled in my legs and I was haunted with by recent nightmare. It had been horrible, that much I could remember, but I couldn't remember what it was about. I just knew I had been running. Running, and stumbling, and tripping. I didn't know what from, or why, but I had been fleeing. I still shivered by the thought of it. I pushed the dream and the feeling of fear aside and got ready for the day. I assumed people would want to speak to me today. I was back after all. They just couldn't resist this Adrian. I was magnetic. I was just reaching for the door knob when somebody knocked. I opened up and found Rose standing there, a huge grin on her face.

"Heard you're back.", She simply said and studied my face. I nodded.

"Yeah, I guess I'm just that good.", I said and plastered on a proud expression. Rose just rolled her eyes.

"Shut up.", She said and moved to the side so I could walk out to her. We went outside and just strolled in silence for a while. It was nice. Peaceful. It felt better to go for a walk with my ex than being alone with my thoughts. Rose was the one who broke the silence.

"Have you talked to anyone else? Except Jill of course."

"Yeah, Sonya came by yesterday and I was with Sage when it all came back.", I muttered.

"Okay, how did it happen when you remembered?", She asked, sounding kind of careful. Like I was going to snap at her.

"Um, Sage showed me that golden cross of hers, and everything just came rushing back. I don't know why, but it did.", I answered and kicked a rock laying on the pathway in front of me. I didn't want to talk about this. I wanted to move on to a safer topic.

"That's good, I guess. How did Sydney take it?", She asked. I _definitely_ didn't want to talk about this specific event.

"She took it okay. She was a bit shocked, I'll admit that, but not as shocked as expected.", I looked over at Rose for a second and saw that she was looking straight ahead, out into the darkness.

"I think you need to talk to her again. Whatever you did last time, talk about it with her. She has been acting weird since yesterday.", This time, I stopped and Rose did the same. We were facing each other and I looked into her eyes.

"What do you know now you little spy?", I asked. She had probably spoken to Sage. She probably knew everything. Shit.

"Plenty. Go talk to her know you weirdo, I can't stand your sad face. It's creeping me out.", She boxed me on the arm and walked away quickly. I watched her go as I held my arm. She had a mean punch.


	19. At last

I hesitated only for a second before making my way to where I knew Sage was staying. I stood in front of her door for a minute or so, before I worked up the courage to knock. When I did, she opened almost immediately. She stood holding the door open, just silent, until I decided to spoke.

"I guess we should talk, huh?", I asked and she stepped aside and let me in without a word. I stood in the middle of the room, feeling a bit awkward. Sage sat down in the nearest chair and nodded to the other one that was to her left. I sat down in it and angled myself so I could look at her. She did the same.

"Talk.", She said and looked down at her hands. Okay I wasn't the only one who was awkward and nervous here.

"Well, I came here to apologize for the kiss. It was wrong of me to just jump you like that. I'm sorry.", I studied her tattoo, it seemed kind of faded. It didn't glimmer as much as it used to.

"I forgive you.", She looked up at me and we locked eyes. "I understand that you probably became very unaware of your actions when everything came back to you. I remember that it was a weird feeling for me.", She spoke.

"Yeah, I guess so.", I looked up at the ceiling. "I don't regret kissing you though. I could never regret that.", I smirked without thinking about it and I could see how she looked at me out of the corner of my eye. When she didn't say anything else, not even a scolding for my flirt, I looked back at her. She looked deep in thought, and she was studying my face. What was she seeing?

"What?", I asked, and she snapped back to reality.

"Sorry, just, got lost in thought I guess.", She said and smiled. It was definitely forced.

"Anything you want to talk about?", I asked, raising an eyebrow. She wasn't going to slip out of this one.

"No, not really.", She answered and looked at her hands. Something was up.

"Are you sure?", I pressed and she looked up at me again.

"It's just, I've been struggling with a decision lately.", She finally admitted and I nodded.

"Care to tell me what kind of decision you're struggling with?"

"No, it's personal.", She said and looked scared for a second.

"Okay then. Good luck with that.", I said and started going for the door. I couldn't just sit here in silence with her. It made me feel like we were okay, which we weren't. As long as I was hopelessly in love with her and she refused to admit her love for me, it only hurt to see her. It hurt and burned and made me feel like crap.

"Are you going already?", She asked, sounding disappointed. Too bad for her.

"Yeah, I guess.", I shrugged.

"Oh, okay.", She seemed really sad that I was leaving. I couldn't stand her being sad.

"I could stay for a while longer, if you want to.", I said and she looked hesitant for a second, like this was the wrong decision, but at last she nodded.

"Please stay.", She said and just like that I was hooked. I was not going to leave if she wanted me to stay. I went back to the chair and sat down. This time it was Sage who started talking.

"Since I got all my memories back, I have been thinking about everything you did for me when I was gone. Thank you for that.", She smiled and I smiled back. It warmed me deep into my soul to get a 'thank you' and a smile from the most beautiful girl on the planet.

"No problem, I did my duty as a good member of society.", She rolled her eyes and my smile grew even wider. She was so pretty.

"But really though, thank you. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be sitting here today.", She said, eerily serious.

"You're welcome.", I answered, dead serious. I didn't even need her to thank me. I didn't regret one second of saving her. It had all been worth it. We both stared into each other's eyes, frozen in the moment. Everything faded away and it was just me and her. It felt wonderful. Sage was the one who broke our little bubble, when she averted her eyes and looked at her feet instead of my face. I sighed and leaned back. She was so scared of her own feelings. We were lost in our own thoughts for a couple of minutes, I was thinking about how our life would have been if we had both been humans, or moroi, or dhampirs, or whatever, and how our life could have been then. I ended up being pretty sure that everything would have been much easier then. We would probably already be together instead of what we were now. Because right now, we were both constantly trying to dodge our feelings and push them aside so we could try and move on with our lives. We just couldn't handle it. Or, I probably could, but she couldn't. And I couldn't be alone in this. This was too strong, too different. I had never experienced something like this before, and I had a feeling she hadn't either. We needed each other's support in this, but I was only met by silence from her part.

"It's silly-", I said "but I miss you even though you're sitting here next to me.", I looked over at her and she turned her head to me.

"I understand what you mean.", She admitted and smiled sadly. "I feel the same thing about you.", I knew that this was a huge thing for her to admit. She wasn't the type who spoke about her feelings, she rather kept them inside of her, where they could be her secrets and where they couldn't do her any harm.

"How are we going to fix that? Suggestions?", I asked and then we both fell silent as we were thinking. I had some few ideas in mind, but they were not the kind of ideas Sage would approve of, of that I was certain.

"This was so much simpler before.", She mumbled and I looked over at her. She was hesitant again, like she was struggling hard to make a decision in her head. I had seen this look on her a lot of times now, and I wanted to know what she was struggling over. Maybe I could help.

"We need an ice breaker.", I muttered and got up on my feet. I found a record player and some old dusty record that I started. Soon the room was filled with the sound of some old love ballad. I stretched out my hand to her and asked; "Shall we dance?". She looked scared and worried at first but then she seemed to push that aside and she took my hand. We started dancing a slow waltz-thingy, my hand on her back and her on my shoulder. My other hand was holding hers and I held it to my heart. It was awkward at first, but soon we were both smiling and looking into each other's eyes. God, this was fantastic. Finally being so close to her, Sage having a smile on her face and even looking like she enjoyed my company. Oh how I had longed for this moment. It was something different than just wanting to kiss her and for her to be mine, this was pure heaven. It was more like we were the only two people in the world. Right now, we were alone, in our own world where we made the rules. It was all about feelings and not just attraction. We were close on so many levels, it was hard to explain. Right that second, I realized that all I wanted was to spend eternity with her. I wanted to run away with her and never leave her side. It was a feeling so strong, it left me breathless. I could see in her eyes that she felt it too. She was taken aback by the intensity in her own emotions. I saw how she had to draw some deep breaths and close her eyes for a second to calm herself. What was to become of us? Two lovestruck persons with everything against them, who couldn't bring themselves to make reality of their wishes and dreams because of the danger that went hand in hand with it. It was almost like it was taken straight from a soap opera. But the thing was, I really felt like we could do this. I really felt like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. We could figure this out, somehow. We had slowed down to a sort of swaying motion right now instead of actually dancing. This was nice too. She suddenly put her head on my chest and let it rest there, probably listening to my heart beat, and my heart was racing. I was used to being confident around girls, but with Sage I became nervous and my stomach got filled with butterflies. It was strange, but wonderful. I started humming along to a song and Sage giggled lightly.

"I chose a good ice breaker, right?", I asked.

"Yes. The best.", She mumbled back and continued listening to my heart which had somehow slowed down a bit by now.

"Good, that means that I'm not entirely hopeless nowadays.", I muttered back and smiled.

"Apparently not.", She answered and we continued to sway until the CD was over and we were stood, embracing in the silence. Neither of us wanted to let go. We just stood there until we were too tired to stand. Then we let go and sat back down in our chairs. Sage was smiling wide all the while.

"Are we okay now? You think we can function normally around each other again?", I asked and raised an eyebrow. She thought for a while before nodding.

"I really think so. We're good now.", She smiled a bit more, but it wasn't as bright. She seemed to have something else in mind.

"Awesome. That's one of my wishes that just came true.", I said, trying to cheer her up a bit.

"What other wishes do you have?", She asked, she really seemed interested.

"Oh I have a few. My number one wish is something you already know I want.", I said. I was of course meaning us. I wanted us, together for as long as we could keep things great. She seemed confused at first but then she nodded, slowly.

"Yeah, I know.", She mumbled, kind of sadly.

"But I'm pretty sure that that certain wish won't come true. I'm still keeping my hopes up though.", I said and looked up at the ceiling. I figured it was best to put myself out there. She should know. We got lost in thought for a little while longer, until I realized that i couldn't handle this anymore. I needed to get away, at least for a couple of minutes. I needed air.

"I'm just gonna go get some air.", I said as I got up from my chair and made my way to the door. She nodded, deep in thought and I went out without another word. This was crushing me. I was destroying myself. Why did I even ask her to dance? That had been so wonderful at the time, but afterward it was just horrible. I was starting to feel broken and unwanted and I just wanted to leave. But I wasn't going to. I was going to try and push all those feelings away and throw myself back in there. Maybe that was what I needed. Some pain to forget about everything that couldn't be. I went back in the room, only to be met right inside the door by Sage who looked resolved about something.

"What-", was all I got to say before she kissed me. Like, really kissed me. Not just a peck on the mouth or anything, this was a full-blown kiss. I didn't even hesitate. I put myself into the kiss and let out several months of want and need and we didn't stop until Sage ran out of air and needed to breathe. She pulled away and looked at me with glowing eyes.

"I made my decision.", She said. I just nodded.

"I noticed that.", We kissed again, but not for as long as before. We pulled apart and just looked at each other and a million unspoken feelings passed between us in that look. I just hoped this would work. I could see in her eyes that she felt the same. I hugged her and she put her head on my shoulder. I closed my eyes and dreamed away. Away to a place where everything was easier. Away to a place where we could be together forever without the threat of outside forces that wanted to pull us apart.

"Can't we just pretend that we have a future, at least for a while?", She suddenly asked, as if she had been reading my thoughts.

"I wouldn't want it any other way. Maybe we can make it come true someday too.", I answered. I really believed what I said. We were going to do this. Nothing was going to stand in our way, and if it did, we were going to overcome that. Nothing would separate us. Never.

* * *

_A/N: So, this was it. This story has come to an end. I just want to let you know that I really enjoyed writing this story and it was a bit different to write Adrian's POV. Anyway, I have an idea to write a sequel to this one, but if I don't, I will probably write a totally new story after reading The Indigo Spell. You can always check my tumblr ( .com) where I will post updates when I start writing something new. I love every single one of you who have been reading this story and liked it. I hope that you will read my future stories too! :)_


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